The First Few Years of Marriage Part Four

December 17, 2012 by Uzoma  
Published in Marriage

Note that the first few years of marriage is a period of trials and error. As humans who are not perfect, we should expect mistakes and misunderstanding within that period which is experimental.

The First Few Years of Marriage Part Four

4. Be willing to give up some habits that your spouse does not like or one that is not ideal. There are habits that you may have developed over the years that ordinarily are not ideal. When your spouse complains about it, you should prayerfully drop it. I remember my wife telling me severally that it is bad habit to open one’s mouth while chewing something. At a point, I felt she was embarrassing me. However, I had to prayerfully adapt. To some men, it may be offensive to them and that may result to quarrels. It actually took me time to change anyway.  That is what it should be between spouses. It would have amounted to disgrace if I had went to a party with her and there be eating like one from a remote village. I learnt from that. This is one of the several examples of habits that your spouse could complain about. Give it up not only for the sake of love but also for the sake of decency, peace and tranquility.

5. Learn to restrain yourself. Always have self control and self disciple. This act is what my friend Robin Sharma calls ‘practice of tough love.’ He noted that “The golden thread of a highly successful and meaningful life is self discipline. Discipline allows you to do all those things you know in your heart you should do but never fell like doing. Without self discipline, you will not set clear goals, manage your time effectively, treat people well, persist through the tough times, care for your health or think positive thoughts”. Here, he noted that it is through self discipline that we can treat people (your spouse) well. Until you develop yourself to that level of self discipline, you cannot live well with your spouse and have a blissful marriage.

6. Love and be Lovable. This may sound funny as one would ask is there no love between a man and woman living as husband and wife? If you recall what I said earlier about love in chapter three, I said that love is all encompassing and unconditional. It involves the person’s character, the entire being, job, family, likes, beliefs, cares, ways and the totality of that person. From this, it means that newlywed should learn to love the totality of their spouse. When you have actually accepted one as your spouse, you should love that person and accept whatever he/she accepts. Again, you should be lovable. Make yourself attractive to your spouse through your character, your look and personal hygiene. Do not leave yourself haggard and unkempt and expect your spouse to love you. You must show you are loveable for others to love you.

7. Beware of friends. Most people we have as friends are not real friends. Though newlyweds are amateur in the issues of marriage, they should not take their matter to friends as if they cannot take decisions on their own. Some of them may be jealous that you the lady married a promising young man. Those friends may give you advice on how they handle their spouse forgetting the every human varies in behaviour and character. Again, due to their orientation and background two persons will definitely do thing differently. It is not bad to ask questions or seek counsel after all not all people are bad but when you do that, you should be mindful of those you meet as what goes for Mr A. may not go for Mr B.

(Started in Part One through four and continues in Part Five)

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