Surviving an Extramarital Relationship – Realizing You are Not Helpless

April 23, 2013 by woody45  
Published in Marriage

Deciding to remain married to this person will not come easy. But there exists something else that will have to be sorted out which is the sense of powerlessness which overwhelms many spouses that have been victimized by a cheating partner.

A lot of spouses that have been stung by a marital affair have a great deal of emotions and issues to work through. From the rage which at certain points threatens to the disappointment of realizing what you mate did and facing the harsh reality that the marriage will never be the same. Which is a terrible idea but unfortunately it is one which will haunt you for quite a long time.

Choosing to remain wedded to this person is not going to come easy. Yet there exists another thing that will have to be addressed which is the feeling of powerlessness which overwhelms countless mates that have been cheated on.

First their self-worth is knocked for a loop. You begin to doubt yourself regarding anything and everything. Exactly what did you do wrong that drove your significant other to be unfaithful, what does the other individual possess that you don’t, is the marriage over along with other troubling questions.

Even so it will not stop there. Those feelings of helplessness find their way into other areas of your life. Before long the decisions which previously you would not have given a second thought too grow to be significant obstacles. That’s the destructive force of an extramarital relationship.

But it doesn’t need to be this way. In order to survive a marital affair and emerge from it with your self-esteem and decision making abilities completely intact remember to keep in mind a couple of points:

1. Their Behavior Their Accountability

Don’t allow your spouse’s wrongdoing to impair your own feelings about yourself. They committed infidelity as a result of a an imperfection inside of them not you. It’s akin to an alcoholic stating the reason for their drinking is largely due to what someone else is or is not doing. Instead of wanting to talk the alcoholic escapes to their own little world and makes sure to lock the door behind them. When they emerge and face the rest of the world they are only too happy to put the blame everywhere except where it actually belongs. The same goes for a cheating spouse. Their cheating must not be your failing.

2. Support

It is not necessary to do it yourself when trying to find out ways to recover from cheating. There are numerous solutions that are available. Support groups consisting of people that have or perhaps are going through exactly what you are. Search them out. This can also be a great time to pull your family and friends a lot nearer to you in order to weather this crisis.

3. Console You

Be careful not to just sit by as the negative thoughts (and yes there are going to be a lot of them) bombard you. Start fighting back with positive statements and affirmations. Keep it simple but be consistent. Also keep in mind getting busy can go a long way in helping you get and remain strong as well. Have comfort in the belief that you’re so much stronger than you realize so by all means start giving you the credit you deserve.

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