Spousal Shopping Expeditions

Working in a high street shop is a miserable experience as it is, without it destroying all my faith in human interaction. There are of course going to be the odd crowds who come in seemingly solely to ruin your day, as well as the individuals who are so kind to you it seems as though angels sing and rainbows appear whenever they open their mouths (I say, trying to not sound too devestatingly cynical). But the meanies and the miseries are sadly the most prevalent, often consisting of small family units, eg. mother and daughter, father and son, but the most irksome are the couples.

It strikes me as slightly less abnormal for a husband and wife to shop together, just as it is the status quo for a mother and daughter act to grace the shop floor. Both of these shopping teams seem to make it their mission to irritate each other, slowly picking at each other’s insecurities as if to see how far they can go – a test of endurance. It’s all very predictable, and the pair end up leaving the store befuddled and unsteady, wondering how they could have married their respective spouse when they are evidently so different, so unobservant, so vexing.

However, this appears relatively ordinary. It seems fated that the older and more experienced married couple would aggravate each other - after spending years in the company of one person it could look almost sporting to resent them in a situation in which they may be open for criticism. For me, the stranger shopping team is a more recently, and therefore more brittle, conjugated couple. Surely there is too much at risk in this scenario? There is so much that could be said that would offend, so much room for internal criticism that will never be released but will instead add up to seemingly genuine reasons to run from a superficially mismatched relationship. The shopping trip ends up acting like woodworm – it gnaws at the early stages of a relationship, slowly but devestatingly putting little holes in it. The problem really lies in the vast differences between female and male cultural habits. A woman’s decision process is much more complex than a man’s, resulting in this lengthy event that seems entirely alien to a man, who would quite happily walk in to a shop, pick up a shirt and buy it. There are simply some cultural arenas in which men and women are impressively different, and it is a wonderful and stimulating reality, not something that we should try to bring together. Small disparities between the sexes are much more exciting.

It is a strange modern (or even post-modern) phenomenon, this belief that exploring each other’s shopping habits is a fantastic method of romantic bonding. It is not. My advice is to avoid it at all costs. Go and have dinner, watch a movie, go to the theatre, and talk about opinions that really shape you, and not your appearance.