Marrying Again

What do you get by marrying again? More wedding gifts (certainly), a new wedding ring (may be), and a husband (along with our sympathies). With the high divorce rate prevailing today, it is natural for couples to undergo a second marriage. The tendency to regard second weddings as second rate is quite common among friends and relatives. In a sense, it is true since women have minds (and, we think, men too) and memories of the previous wedding are likely to interfere. While we agree that Elizabeth Taylor’s marital career progressed well enough despite the memories of a whole train of weddings, not every woman is born with Taylor’s intestinal fortitude. The point is that second weddings need better planning and greater care on behalf of the contracting parties to leave both of you satisfied and full of mutual trust. In harsh words, we are speaking ofetiquettes.

Let’s cheer you with a cordial! A second wedding is not a second rate thing. Your excitement and ecstasy (if any) are genuine and deserve respect. It’s your special day again. So you need to make it the most memorable of days by-sorry to say-observing some proprieties. It’s ok to think that you are doing these for the people. Wedding is a social occasion, after all. First of all, you may forget about whether it is the first or twelfth wedding of your groom. Concentrating on your own bridal status is a pleasure of a unique kind. It’s your day and despite the fact that you know your husband’s past, you are not going to make the joy tame by worrying about his role in observing proprieties. Just be yourself and think yourself. So much for the first dose of divine advices!

So what are the confusing questions? There are many but we’ll strive not be carried away. Consider these: Is it fine to wear a white bridal dress? Am I to cut the wedding cake at the reception? Who is the best person to send wedding invitations? What kind of a wedding ceremony will prove satisfying? Since you have to take care of so many other matters relating your kitchen and kitten, we proceed to give you free lessons on removing some of these confusing issues.

Starting with pre-wedding concerns, your first decision regards the location of the wedding. In most cases, it is (still) a church or a temple. Check with the respective clergy in advance about the essential requirements for remarriage. While some denominations won’t sanction remarriage, others require counseling before wedding and some demand changes in the traditional ceremony. An important thing to remember, in any case, is possession of all necessary legal documents before stepping into the ceremony. In a large number of cases, the second-time bride does not expect an official announcement or engagement party (sigh!). But family and friends are informally invited. A better option, indeed, offering greater ease and avoidance of seeing unwanted creatures (don’t take offence; we are speaking of little green men).

Your friends may want to know if they should give you wedding gifts. Give them a cordial welcome. It is a happy celebration and gifts are not to be refused! However, the gifts need not be extravagant. Anything nice goes here, though you better take care not to register for gifts (bogeymen are known to check these weird registers on Halloween nights).

It is customary to send out a personal note of invitation or call the people to be invited to the wedding ceremony. An electronic invitation via e-mail is a good option only if you know your invitee isn’t a lay about. If he/she logs in to his/her e-mail account once every ten thousand years, it is likely for him/her to miss your wedding. As for the reception, get a printed or engraved invitation only if it’s going to be many people. For a small reception, personally inviting friends will do. After the wedding, you may choose to announce your marriage in newspaper or, if you have a website with regular visitors, put the announcement online.

Now let’s come to the ceremony itself. A simple one is always the best. Any location meaningful to the couple can be chosen: church, temple, home, a scenic spot outdoors, and so on. Just take care of two things. First, choose a place according to the number of guests (no need to crowd the whole church with three invitees). Second, don’t go to Transylvania for the wedding (vampires love to bite remarrying people). One attendant for you and one for the groom is the easiest and most appropriate choice. If you and/or the groom have children old enough to become attendants, it is the best scene imaginable. Let younger children stand by you or participate otherwise. In second weddings, formal processional or recessional is usually not observed.

One significant point in remarriage ceremony is the role of your father. He may escort you, if you like, but he is not to “give you away” as in case of your first wedding (now you know that you are old enough to give yourself away, don’t you?). After escorting you to the altar, he may take his seat.

Sorry! We just forgot to thrum on the topic that is of greatest interest to you: the bridal dress. While you shall be having a wide range of choices why not go for a dress that suits the occasion as well as the formality of the reception. The first choice is of course white dress (remember the one you had on your fist wedding?) which, according to experts, symbolizes joy. So you are free to choose it for your second wedding. However, some experts vote for off-white or pastels. For some reason, yet to be discovered, red and black have been excluded from our list of good choices. But you can be optimistic and look at the bright side where you’ll find a variety of popular shades in pink, peach, gray, blue, and green.

Timing of the ceremony in part determines your choice of the bridal dress design. For an informal daytime, think of a street-length silk dress or dressy suit. A more formal celebration can be enjoyed better in other lengths of a dressy fabric. Evening dresses are usually longer and for a more religious way of celebration (yes, they do happen), modesty in dress is the rule rather than exception. Let’s us not remind you that bikinis are excluded from the wedding scene in all cases of first, second, and third marriages.

You have already enjoyed your long train and veil on your first wedding. Why not concentrate on wearing a hat with a bow or flowers in your hair? You may carry a traditional bouquet of flowers or a white prayer book (if you like) adorned with flowered ribbon streamers.

Wrapping it up, we honestly tell you that the above scrolls describing uncompromising rules of blissful weddings are open to interpretation. Brides in the 60s worshiped them; those in the 70s loved them; in the 80s liked them; in the 90s approved of them. You may know that you live in the 21st century and your world is more dynamic and accepting than ever. So it is you-the bride-who decides how to make her second wedding a lasting memory.