Is Divorce in Your Future? Here’s What Your Husband is Planning

May 4, 2008 by Anne Mathews  
Published in Marriage

While you may think your marriage is less-than-perfect, but you get along well so everything must be OK, you could be very wrong. Here are some warning signs that your husband could be planning to file divorce in the near future.

It used to be that a wife need only look for lipstick on her husband’s collar to see evidence that her marriage was headed for divorce court. But today, it isn’t so easy to tell what a husband may be planning. But Web sites have been created to help your husband deceive you and put him in a better position to pay less child support and less spousal support. He may have put a plan into motion between six months and a year before actually filing and having you served with divorce papers. Here are several tricky methods that Web sites are advising soon-to-be ex-husbands to do before they file for divorce:

Make a Plan:

Husbands are advised by several Web sites to start planning for divorce well in advance of filing. Most seem to recommend six months or more.

Stop Working Overtime:

Yes, you read that correctly. The best advice out there for the husband planning to ditch his wife and children is to work as little as possible for at least six months prior to the filing date. The advisor explains that the court looks at the husband’s income as of the filing date to determine the amount of child support and alimony he will be ordered to pay.

Lower Your Wife’s and Children’s Standard of Living:

The theory here is that the courts look to the wife’s current lifestyle and standard of living the husband has provided to determine alimony and the same with the children, in order to maintain their lifestyle. What these sites are recommending that men do, it to make some subtle changes around the home and in spending that will lower the amount of money spent on a wife and the children.

Asset Shifting:

For wives who are not involved in the day-to-day management of the family finances, an unscrupulous husband has the opportunity to hide assets, sell off assets or otherwise attempt to keep marital assets out of the court’s notice. Wives should be aware of any changes in ownership of cars, boats, or other assets.

Reduce the Value of a Small Business:

Does your husband own a small business that was created during the marriage? If so, has he changed his work habits? Is he working less? Earning less money? If so, he may be contemplating divorce. Web sites are quick to business owners to slow down the work to lower the business’s value prior to filing. Women should watch for these subtle clues and be aware of how this will affect them in court.

Limit the Choices of Attorneys for Wives:

Did you know your husband is also being treated to advice on how to prevent his wife – that’s you – from hiring the best, most aggressive and most successful divorce attorney in town? It’s amazing the information that exists to help your husband divorce you when, statistically speaking, divorced men recover faster financially from divorce than do women. So, be aware. Start looking for an attorney early on – even after your first inkling of a problem. Just because you contact an attorney or even sit down to meet with them, does not mean you’ve committed to divorcing your husband. But it is best to be informed and prepared.

Suddenly, He Takes an Interest in Parenting:

Yes, it’s sad but true. Your husband will learn soon enough that he will lower or eliminate his child support liability if he is awarded joint or full custody. In order to make such a claim being in the best interest of the children, he needs to show that he is involved in their lives in a “joint parenting” capacity. If Dad is suddenly interesting to schlepping the kids to school, offering to make their lunches and signs up to help out in the classroom, you can bet that he’s looking to lower his child support and is documenting his case for custody.

Watch for some of these subtle indicators and then do some planning of your own. It’s no longer merely a matter of catching him having an affair, but of him cheating you and your children from the financial security you each deserve

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4 Responses to “Is Divorce in Your Future? Here’s What Your Husband is Planning”
  1. 59405 Says:

    Could I make some suggestions as to how a woman might avoid divorce in the first place?

    (1) Get a real job. Earn real income and contribute to the family purse. Take an interest in socking away real retirement income. Use your college degree the way your husband thought you were going to do when he married you. Help pay for your kids college tuition by making the sacrifice of a full-time job that pays real money and has real benefits. Pretend jobs that pay minimum wage with no benefits and sporadic or non-existent hours do not count as a “real” job.

    (2) Grow up. Stop living in a fantasy world where everything has to be done for your comfort, your approval and your satisfaction. Your husband has some real needs as well, and if you married a normal human being, this shouldn’t be hard to satisfy.

    (3) Grow your hair long, if he likes it long. Where red if he thinks you look good in red. Let him know that looking good for him is important to you. Lose some weight for him if you’ve gotten too heavy. Let him know that you like looking good for him.

    (4) Say “I love you” to him a lot, and mean it. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that an increase in manipulation is going to register with him as love. What he has been missing all these years might just be a sense that you think he is truly a great guy to have around. If you treat him and think of him the way you see “Family Guy”, then the lack of respect you have for him is almost sure to end up in a divorce.

    (5) Increase the sexual component of your marriage. This means more sex, more imaginative sex, and more hungry sex. There are plenty of sites out there that explain largely what men want (no, anal sex is not usually one of these), and you should visit them.

    (6) Don’t dwell on guilt trips against your husband if you want to keep him. The more right you are on these points might leave him no choice but divorce just to satisfy the need to get a clean slate. Give him a break, just like you would like to have a break too.

    (7) Try to get back to being friendly with each other. It was there once, and most guys respond well to this approach. Stop fixating on your role as mother and protector of the kids. Stop fantasizing about your son as the perfect man and your husband as a lesser version.

    Good luck.

  2. Arie Uittenbogaard Says:

    I’m sure you mean well with this article but it makes me very very sad, for all kinds of reasons.

    59405: hear, hear.

  3. dragonslayer Says:

    I am not sure if 5904 means well. Obviously he is a guy. Obviously 59405 (above) was not a stay-at-home guy. His opinions are, well, piggish.

    I am not sure that he is marriage material :-) I.E. Stay away from any male espousing similar fantasies. By the way, 5904, motherhood IS A REAL JOB, if you mean it. And yes, it is unglorious.

    Unfortunately 5904 has the same opinions as my brother, who filed for a divorce, is now bancrupt and has about half a million in alimony to his ex-wife.

    Hear. Hear.

    P.S. I am a certified physician assistant, and I worked 10 hrs/day even after I had my first child. I put myself through college and grad school without my parents’ assistance, and now am a stay-at-home mom. Being a mom and wife (and ALL that goes with it) to my two boy toddlers and husband is by FAR more exhausting, more demanding, and more humbling (unglorious) than a day in the office — because it is NOT a 9 to 5 job/or a 8:30 to 6:30 job — it is 24 times 7 job. And did I say it is WORTH IT EVERY MINUTE (and every dime)!!!!!!!!!!!! Actually, now my husband signs up for more hours at work, as he is more exhausted coming home than staying in the office — just the truth.

    Before judging your wives, guys out there, did you offer to watch the children (and mean it) so she could go to weight watchers — or are you only into dissing your wives’ countenance. Be real. Until the children go to school full-time, your wife is a nanny, maid, gardener, secretary, chauffeur,etc. — she does not have the energy or time to make herself beautifu for you. Don’t make her feel like a prostitute (making you the pimp) by making demands at the end of her busy day!! Get a life, be a DAD, and just be happy to give her roses (unreciprocated)!!!

  4. Carmen Says:

    Thank you 59405. It’s nice to hear what a man has to say. You ask for so little and it means so much to you.

    Wives wonder why their husband has a mistress. Listen to what he’s saying sometimes and he won’t go to her. Please understand a lot of married men are not cheating just for sex.

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