Is an Affair The Answer in a Sexless Marriage?

May 26, 2013 by Janelle Coulton  
Published in Marriage

Many People Think An Affair Will Fix The Problem.

Marriages are ending every single day, and these marriages are anywhere from five to ten years, and sometimes as many as twenty-five years or more. It is sad when marriages end that many believed would be long lasting. There are many different reasons that marriages end whether it’s financial stress, emotional or physical abuse or even sexual abuse. Many more marriages simply end because no one was talking. Families are split apart, and children can end up devastated. We really have to stop this attitude of baling out when the going gets tough, it’s this kind of thinking that is the problem. People take the easy way out way too often. 

Communication is what will get you back on track. Lack of communication can kill a marriage, or any relationship for that matter. When couples only talk to fix problems; and don’t take the next step into doing something about the problems, marriage fall to pieces. If you are going to have the conversation about why you were bickering and fighting with each other then it needs to go further. You don’t just apologise and shove it under the rug until the next time you fight about it. This is a big mistake couples make every day. Being honest about what you need in the relationship and asking for those needs to be met is good communication. You cannot expect to have all your needs met, but telling you partner is the first step and when you love each other, you want to meet their needs.

Sex outside of your marriage is not the answer to your sexual problems and you know it. Despite getting your sexual needs met, you will be feeling guilty. Having a quickie with a stranger isn’t going to make it any better, and the consequences can be devastating. If your husband or wife finds out, your marriage could be finished, and if they ever forgive you, and you decide to stay together, then it will a long time in hell before your spouse trusts you enough to reward you with sex. You don’t usually get your needs met by demanding instant gratification. Not in a relationship that is a give and take process; and seeking outside sexual action is really a dumb thing to do, unless you are done with the marriage.

If you think that you may be done with the marriage, ask yourself if you have really tried. Have you invested time and effort into your current relationship? Has your partner? Do you have a clear understanding of why there is no sex in your marriage? Some of us live in complete denial. Yes; our spouse has told us why they are not putting out, and instead of taking what they say on board and trying to fix this, we can be all about denial because it’s too hard to do the work and if we do there are no guarantees.

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