How to Insure Your Child’s Wellbeing Throughout a Divorce

We all know and hear about the divorce rate. But what we rarely hear about is the damages of putting children in the middle of it. Whether it’s out of spite or the feeling of having the child choose you over your ex, or even out of fear of losing them, the effects are detrimental.

I know a woman who out of fear of losing her child, developed a very damaging lie. Not only to her spouse-but to her child, the very child she was trying to “protect”. She invented the event of her soon to be ex husband molesting her child. Her daughter was only about two or three and for the rest of her life she truly believed that her father committed this act. But he hadn’t, her mother only said he did.

Parents often try to win their child over by bad mouthing their ex. And it often works. The child usually blames one parent for the separation of their home,stability, and family. However, this can be very damaging to a child. A child needs both parents to be present in their lives if possible. It is not the ex that is being hurt, although this is the intention, but it is the child. Children are often easy to persuade and it can truly invest bitterness into them. Many feel good for having their child want them or be with them rather than their ex but the truth is that it is the child’s choice. And having to choose is already tough. The situation is very devastating. It is between the parents, but it involves the child. They often blame themselves and do not understand the reasons as to why this is happening. Many parents do not discuss what is happening with their child. I know that they have their reasons and feel that in doing this they are saving their child from heartache. But the truth is that the situation itself is heartache and not understanding it just makes it worse. Children need security and having the constant battle of the “best” between parents is anything but.

Rather than trying to poison the child’s mind into hating one parent, each parent should speak to their child and try to instill them virtue for a healthy future and explain to them that it is not their fault nor anyone else’s. Children who grow up in homes where badmouthing the other parent, or frequent fighting between parents often result and manifest in the child’s own marriage when they are grown up.Imagine the cycle that persists through this, you can understand how important it is for the child to experience something other than this in their childhood.And if someone truly loves their child, they will put their selfishness and hatd aside to insure that their child will be okay through this.

There can be such a thing as an amicable divorce. No divorce is completely perfect but it can work out well for everyone including the person who should be foremost in mind during the process, the child. But it will take good communication, unselfishness, and a battle of the will to control yourself from speaking badly about your ex or fighting with them in the presence of your child.