Having a Rant No.2: “Marriage Wreckers”

August 24, 2012 by Jannet  
Published in Marriage

When having “affairs” why are only the women seen as “home” or “marriage” wreckers, and not the men involved? Why are the males seen as “just men being men” and the females as the one doing all the damage? Who is actually causing the damage, and how do we stop it?

Why oh why is it that women tend to be seen as and given the title of ‘marriage wreckers’??!!!… Examples are “Bunny burner” nutcases like in Fatal Attraction, Angelina Jolie (portrayed as a ‘man-eater’ even though we just don’t know what happened within her and Brad’s ’situation’) and the most recent one in the news was Anthea Turner who (going by newspaper reports) was the ‘other woman’ or adulteress in her husband, Grant Bovey’s first marriage.  Only for well over a decade later, to be the ‘betrayed-wife’ and another woman the ‘adulteress’ with Grant instead.  These are very interesting examples because the spotlight seems to be deliberately trained on the women within these situations,  not the males.  For example, Brad Pitt was married to Jennifer Anniston when he was reported to be having an affair with Angelina. Grant Bovey had an affair with Anthea, married her then went on to have an affair with someone else…I hear the female names being dragged around, but where does the males’ responsibility lie?!!

For the sake of clarity, I had a disagreement with someone years ago, a female who knew her brothers were betraying their partners.  Despite knowing this,  she would have her brothers and their adulterous partners (and their babies/children) come to our house for dinner and drinks – even at Christmas time -  whilst their own faithful partners were home with their children and ‘excluded’ from the family gathering!!! Me, being very interested in her reasons for colluding with the ‘cheaters’ asked her why she was encouraging her brothers in wrong?  Why have the ‘other’ woman and children over instead of their wife/partners join in the family party instead?  And more importantly,  how would she feel if our family were supporting her husband in wrong so openly, and deliberately hiding it from her?  Looking at both these public and personal situations raised many questions for me, for example:

  • Why is the spotlight on the women as the ‘trouble makers’ or ‘home/marriage wreckers’ rather than the males who were within the marriages?
  • Why are the men seen as doing no, or little wrong?  Why do the paps or photographers take photos that make the males look smug or like ‘winners’ and the women as ’sinners’?
  • Since marriage is a sacred union, why do ‘other women’ have relationships with the males KNOWING that they are already married/or within relationships?  Why settle for a bite of cake rather than a slice of your own?!
  • How do the biological family or friends of the ‘cheating’ male handle the wife who has been cheated on?  Do they blame her for ‘not satisfying’ him, or isolate her because ‘it’s none of their business’?!
  • Why do female family/friends help the male to cheat on his partner? 
  • When the adulterous relationship doesn’t work out does anyone say: “HA!!!! Serve you RIGHT?!!”  or ‘What goes around comes back around you cheating so-and-so?!!”  If so, who dares to?

We live in a misogynistic society so we – both male and female – tend to accuse or blame the female for trouble, issues or disasters.  It’s easy to put a famous face behind a ‘marriage wrecker’ title, but it’s a whole lot harder to identify types of behaviour from ourselves or our partners that are causing trouble or conflict within our relationships. Marriage Wreckers include the males and females within the marital relationship AND all those who assist them in ‘cheating’. 

Isn’t it time we looked a bit closer to home and examine the relationships that we have with and regarding the female?   Isn’t it time that we were more supportive of one another in right?  Simple solutions tend to work: If you know he’s married, don’t touch him… If he’s in a relationship – send him packing!  If he comes to your place with some ‘other woman’  be a reminder for him!!!  And if he’s your brother or friend; warn him! “Brother, Uncle, Father,  this ‘cheating’ business is more trouble than it’s worth!” If we know he’s married or within a relationship, we have the right to tell him:  “No thank you!  Go back to her – I’m no marriage wrecker!!!’  If each of us, as women and girls make that change, we can create a monogomous revolution overnight!!!

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