Happy Enough

June 25, 2013 by Geminieve  
Published in Marriage

Like sand through an hour glass, so are the… No these are days of my life and this is real not a soap opera.

     Enough please!!  I want peace, structure, happiness and pure joy, not the twisted delusional things of sorts bouncing around up there like ping pong balls being bounced from paddle to paddle.      Married, content, in love with my children.  Husband is great and I do ‘love’ him.  It’s not that pour passion on me ‘in love’ kind of love if once was.   I’m grateful for him and all the life pleasantries he’s surrounded me with.  I love his work ethic, compassion and never ending love for me.  I want to be fulfilled.  Simply put I am not.  Have not been for a long time now.   No marriage is perfect and I openly vouch for that.     I believe in distractions, new experiences and harmless flirting.  I like meeting new friends, male, female, friends are friends.  I enjoy a secondary life from time to time as it is my outlet from reality.  I long for praise and affections and find it thrilling to sneak around unseen.  Leave no fingerprints on glasses, if ou will… There’s nothing bad I’m doing, it is simply ‘my doing’, on my time.     There’s one man but wait there are now two, he just doesn’t know it yet.  It’s conversation, hand holding and eyeing each other.  Maybe it’s cheating, but I don’t feel bad… And how I meet these people is usually bazaar in circumstance and the ‘how’ I meet is usually more a exciting than the escapade itself.     Number two has always existed and always will and is really in fact number one aside from my husband of course.  I’d close a door here and there for him if he could be my outlet.  He can’t and so my doors must remain open so I am always in company when I need me time.       Make it stop?  I don’t want it to.  I need my double agent like life so I can exist as mom and wife.  We all have our vices.  We all need outlets and I believe for now mine works nicely. Sadly I’m still seeking that pure joy from the crevices inside my head.  My children actually level me out and structure me as much as I can be.  Judge me and ten more will judge you, Or so I’ve been told.  More to come as my mind unravels and little sparks fly-

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