Enjoying Marital Bliss After the Honeymoon Stage

You know the story: boy meets girl, boy likes girl (girl likes boy as well but she doesn’t tell him), eventually, boy marries girl, man and wife go on honeymoon, man and wife come back from honeymoon.

Now what?

Well, for most people what follows next is a gradual disillusionment. They discover that the person with which they fell in love has some faults which they didn’t notice sooner because they weren’t looking. Fortunately there is something you can do to make sure that you will enjoy living with your spouse even after the honeymoon is over (without actually having to resort to alcohol). The trick is to make sure that you actually know the other person thoroughly. Here’s a short list of things to look out for when choosing a partner (besides neurotic and/or criminal behavior):

Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are (or something like that):

One thing that should never be forgotten is that once you marry someone, you also marry their family, friends, distant relations, and/or social position. Be prepared! Let’s, for a minute, imagine that you have fallen in love with the person of your dreams. He’s charming (she’s gorgeous), intelligent, drives a Mercedes, etc… . What about his/her friends? Are they bums which can’t even get a job? Are they foul and revolting? Do they drink more than Guns N’ Roses? Are they lying gossips? Do they spend more money on shoes than the US spends on weapons per year (they might influence your partner to do the same)? Watch out, if your love interest can stand them that might mean that he/she might share some of their aesthetics of life. The same goes for family, since there is an almost guaranteed possibility that your potential spouse might have been raised with the bad habits of their parents. If the friends (and/or family) fail the test, then

-Code Blue (incipient warning signs)-

Know who you’re with:

The unfortunate reality is that there is nothing magic about choosing the person with which you are going to spend the rest of your life (unless you get a divorce before you die). There is a great misconception that you can’t get to know a person before you actually marry them. THIS IS NOT TRUE! All your boy/girlfriend’s bad habits and/or dirty little secrets are right there for you to see from the very beginning. You just have to be a little rational and know what to look for. Does he/she show the ability to judge for his/herself? Do you find yourself planning most of the fun things to do, your partner just tagging along like baggage? Do you find yourself “thinking” for your partner (making decisions for both of you)? Is your love interest serious about their interest in your love (i.e. I love yo…Oh look at the kitty!)? Does he/she look like he/she can pull his/her own weight in marriage and in life? If the answer to any of these questions is unsatisfactory to you, then:

-Code Yellow (slight warning signs)-

“Lying Eyes” (and other body parts):

Face it. People rarely marry one another only for their brains and wit (or else we’d see brains in capsules going out on dates, not people). The physical aspect of your partner is also important. But what is even more important is what your love interest does with their body. Before you get any funny thoughts, let me say: This section of the article is NOT about sex. You have to deal with that on your own (it is something between you two after all). What this section deals with is “good looking” people (Sorry but no, not Angelina Jolie). If your partner is gorgeous/ridiculously handsome, what you must ask yourself is: is he/she using his/her physical appearance to get money out of me (or other things, like a place to stay without rent, clothes, shoes, etc…)? If you are convinced that your love interest is using you and your hard earned (unless you’re a thief) resources, then:

-Code Orange (Uh, oh)-

Busy like a…..bee (?):

So, your partner has no character faults (and hopefully they’re also minimally attractive). Can they pull their weight? Love and attraction are not the only reasons why people marry. They have to help one another. Marriage is both a union of love (as corny as it might sound), and also a way of sharing the strain of your lives (as business-like as it might sound). So, is your partner reliable? Do they let you do all the work, and then join in the free time with a vengeance? For example, are you the only one who pays the bills because your partner can’t be bothered to remember the due dates (and because if you left it up to them you’d both be bankrupt)? This is a very good reason to live with your partner for a few months (maybe a year or two) before actually marrying them. Simply put, you have to know that your spouse can do some of the work. This is vital, because a partner who can’t help you in life (whatever that life may entail) is not a partner at all. They’re simply a very expensive, human-sized pet. Sorry, that’s just the way it goes. If your partner can’t help you, then you’re living alone (for all intents and purposes), plus you have baggage (and a very demanding baggage). If your partner is not very reliable, then:

-Code Red (it means…you know what code red means)-

Marriage. It’s just good business:

Suppose that your potential spouse has absolutely no faults. They are some sort of divine being, incapable of human error, living their life with extreme grace and deftness (making you feel like a lazy, useless slug in the process). Well then, how about trust. Many people are not going to like what I’m going to say next, but here I have to use the “B” word (no, the other one). Business. Yes, when they say “marriage contract”, they really MEAN contract. And what are all contracts built upon (besides obscene amounts of money)? Trust. Does your “angelic” partner trust you (and vice versa)? Do they ask you for advice, and then do exactly the opposite (as if on purpose)? Do you try to give them advice, and then end up having to write a 200 page essay on why your idea is good and sensible (otherwise your “love” won’t be convinced and won’t trust you)? Trust is of paramount importance in any relationship. It becomes vital when the problem of marriage arises. Many common “modern” marital problems (i.e. cheating) could be resolved if there were more trust between spouses. But, bear in mind: to be trusting does not mean that you can turn your brain off and become a gullible piece of jelly. Be circumspect, but do not become suspicious (or at least try not to, I know it’s hard). Most importantly, though, is that trust works both ways. Trust, but also be sure to always give your partner a reason to trust you in return (because it doesn’t work if you trust them but they wouldn’t trust you with the car keys). If there is little or no trust between you and your love, then:

-There is no need for any kind of code here. Just turn tail and run as fast as you can-

These are but a few of the many things to keep in mind before jumping into marriage, if you want to remain happy even after the honeymoon has ended. Remember, though the above-mentioned guidelines apply to your love interest, they also apply to you as well. So don’t go around saying X girl or Y boy is not good enough for you if you have more holes in your character than Switzerland does (or rather it’s cheese). Be fair, know when to admit your faults (I know you’d rather swallow white-hot coals, but just try, OK?) and keep in mind that marriage (and businesses in general) is based on the concept of “give and take”. Remember to never take more than you know you can give in return.