Don’t You Want Your Marriage to Last Several Decades?

I am no marriage counselor of any kind. But I have something to share with you. If you want your marriage to last for decades, do read this piece .

Chandra and I have been married for nearly 56 years as of now. And we had remained “engaged ” for five and a half years before we entered the institution of marriage. That makes our emotional togetherness nearly 62 years You would wonder how an engagement could have remained alive for so long. Well, it couldn’t be helped because within months of our betrothel, a Govt order announced that Indian Army officers cannot get married until they cross 25 years.

By the time all things worked out and the wedding materialized, I had completed 26. That’s it. A wait of over 5 years for the happy union. Neither of us thought in terms of breaking the engagement vow. It wouldn’t have mattered a bit for me anyway. But Chandra stuck to the promise and waited patiently without opting for another man. That wait perhaps acted as a catalyst agent and strengthened our resolve to stick together.

God willing, we hope to celebrate our Diamond jubilee in Nov 2012 along with our three children and their families.

I firmly believe in the axiom that marriages are made in Heaven. For some people it is just a statement or myth , for some a superstition and for me it’s an absolute truth. Do remember that no marriage would ever take place unless it has God’s approval. Haven’t you heard of many marriage attempts falling through for one reason or other? You can take it that God is behind all such failures. If you don’t agree with all these, may I suggest that blindly accept that God had approved your union the moment you take the matrimonial vow or tie the nuptial knot.

Months/Years pass by. Bad feelings sprout out slowly. Fights and quarrels follow. And one day the horrible thought occurs. Divorce ! If you think in terms of divorcing your spouse, do remember that you are accusing God of misjudging or mismanaging your future. No friend, God never makes mistakes. He knows what He is doing. It would be you who would turnout to be the villain if you go in for a divorce because it would amount to your over-ruling God “s decision.

If God has blessed your union and you have spent some years already together, isn”t it incumbent on you to live together till “death do you part”? How then could you say that your first wife has become a misfit or incompatible and you cannot live with her anymore and therefore should go for another woman? What guarantee is there that the second one would be better suited to your temperament? If anything, the second may turn out to be worse ! Many have regretted their decision of opting for a second marriage.

A magazine in India publishes personal accounts/testimonies like “How I saved my marriage” and “How I regret dissolving my first marriage?” One would certainly become wise after reading these stories.

So, the right decision you ought to take on the very first night is, “I have to live with her/him for the rest of my life, come what may. She/He is the most beautiful woman and most handsome man in the world, God has chosen for me. I trust God in this regard.”

This is the prescription my wife and I have followed in the last 56 years. We do have disagreements on some issue or the other; we do have a fight over some point or the other and possibly use acrimonious words in the process. But, that is forgotten in the next moment and never “saved” in our memory store either. We don’t ever ask, “What did we fight on? Who won? Did I use any harsh words?” One day just for the heck of it, I asked my wife, “What argument did we have this morning darling?” “Argument?” she said screwing up her forehead. “When on earth did we have an argument of any sort? I can’t recall any at all?” Everything has been forgotten and wiped out of our memory system like it was a closed chapter never to be reopened..

We also remind ourselves often, rather silently in unspoken words, “You are the best husband for me or you are the best wife for me.” We have no personal secrets of any brand. Our lives are an open book and completely transparent.

This is our guide star, friend. Don’t expect the life to be a smooth sailing affair. There would be ups and downs; there would be some heavy waves trying to rock your boat. But remain firm because God wants you to live together till “death do you part”. So long as you remember this command of God’s, you would never think of divorce nor separation.

I strongly recommend that you too observe this formula.. And you would find that “everything is bright and beautiful on the Earth including your spouse.”