Commitment Phobic People

March 16, 2013 by Janelle Coulton  
Published in Marriage

The following are guidelines to help find out if your partner is commitment phobic.

Are You Wasting Your Time?

A phobia or fear of commitment is as real as any phobia is to the person suffering from it. People with commitment phobia want so much to have the happily ever after life, but deep down they fear they won’t be able to take the plunge and many never do.

A relationship with a commitment phobic partner can be one of the most frustrating situations you will ever encounter. Because people with this affliction want so much to commit, they may try to convince you that marriage and family is their end goal; however it will soon become clear early on in the relationship that their actions are not going to match their words. They can talk up a storm to reel you in, and once you’re hooked, it becomes clear they are not up for commitment.

No Talk About Marriage

Will your partner discuss the future with you? Or do they get uncomfortable when marriage, kids and commitment are mentioned? You may be ready to take that next step, but that’s the last thing your partner wants. Avoiding any and all conversations regarding commitment is how they deal with their fear. They will be unwilling to discuss a future with you.

If you have asked him or her where they see the relationship headed and the answer has been vague or they dismiss the question, it’s likely you have a problem. Your partner may say that they are not ready, which is all well and good but are you getting any indication that this is where your relationship is headed? People with a fear of commitment will usually drop many hints that will indicate that this relationship is not going where you would like it to.

You can wait it out and see what happens, but if marriage is what you want then you cannot wait it out forever. Knowing when to say when is important. Sticking around waiting when a relationship is not heading in the direction you want is not fair to you or your partner.

Dead Giveaways That Your Partner Won’t Commit

If the subject of marriage comes up, your partner will deliberately change the subject and not in a subtle way either. Any conversation about weddings, brides etc won’t occur because your partner will not participate; even when it’s not about the two of you. Discussing where the relationship stands with you will be avoided.

Long term plans will not be discussed either. Your partner won’t want to talk about moving in together, whether to rent or buy a house and the subject of children will be carefully avoided. You will not be told whether children are on your partner’s radar; put simply, you will be totally in the dark about what to expect for your future days with this person.

Your partner’s attitude to money could be telling. Financial behaviour has little to do with whether someone will commit, but if your partner is a spend thrift; it’s less likely there’s marriage in your future. Most people who want marriage, kids; the whole package are planning for that in some small way.

People who suffer from commitment phobia will never commit. As much as they may have lead you to believe in the beginning that commitment would happen, it highly unlikely it will. If your partner is showing classic signs like the ones above, then it’s safe to say you should move on.

It can be difficult trying to figure out where your partner’s head is at when it comes to the future, but if you are not being given the information you need to make an informed decision then you have little choice. You need to either ask your partner straight out where things are going or watch and wait. Personally, I prefer the direct approach. Why waste time when it’s your future that’s on the line; life’s too short.

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Read more relationship advice at: Stop Your Break 101 or Save Your Marriage

Copyright © 2013 Janelle Coulton

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