Being Married, Doesn’t Mean be Controlled for Better or for Worse

January 6, 2013 by Nicholl McGuire  
Published in Marriage

Some are married for decades suppressing their misery or letting the world know. Marriage was never meant to be something that causes pain, misery, and a wish for death. However, there are those couples who experiencing such feelings. Article explains.

I think of the many women and men who have spent years being married to someone who has acted like their handler more-so than a lover or friend. They have had to endure abusive rants, threats, and various scare tactics so that they will act in ways that their marriage partner wants. If he likes his food a certain way, he expects his wife to make it accordingly and if she doesn’t, he will let her know in more ways than one. If her husband doesn’t come running to her aid when she wants him to, then he is going to hear about it. You have to wonder how does the one who created us all view marriages nowadays?

So many men and women are in relationships experiencing stomach upset, head aches, heart attacks, back pain, and more because they just don’t know how to deal with conflict. They rather suffer in silence then address issues. Instead of directing much of their issues toward their marriage partners and getting needed help, they look for distractions outside of their relationships to place blame. From the store clerk to a relative with problems, they immerse their time and energy into other people’s dilemmas rather than looking inward as to why they feel most upset, bitter, stressed, and more. After the children are gone out the nest, parents are buried, and jobs have come to an end, who is left in the household of the mid-lifer? The verbally or physically abusive partner. The person who they made excuses for, defended, lied to others about, and covered for. That one who they put on a pedestal and said, “I don’t know what I would do if he/she ever left me.”

Some of the relationships that have lasted 10 plus years or more have been around so long because there were distractions throughout the marriage that kept partners from focusing on that one sleeping next to them in the bed causing havoc too. It is far easier to look at everyone else’s dramas and be critical, then to look inside oneself and that person that you are with and say, “I got issues and lots of them!”

If I am often pointing my finger at everything going on outside of my relationship, I most likely am not going to see the bigger issues that are staring me right in my face. Now I know, there are those relationships that don’t have verbal or physical abuse going on in them, but for those marriages who do, there must be a reality check. In some relationships, there are those who sit in their mess for so long that they become accustomed to it and no longer see what is right or wrong. What’s worse, they will give advice to others that actually help them cultivate a similar atmosphere of abusive behavior. “ Well, just deal with it. Keep the peace in your marriage. You know what people will say if you divorce. If you leave him, you won’t have any money!”

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