Being a Second Wife

Second wives come in four varieties. The first wife could be alive or deceased. She could have been a saint or Satan. Depending on which wife you followed into your husbands arms, you may have it easy, or it might be a daily dose of misery in her shadow.

Depending on your husband’s perspective, a dead first wife could be good or bad. Since she’s not around to check on, he can make her whatever suits him at the time. A living ex-wife is often the source of greatest torture if children are involved due to visitation and child support. Either way, as the second wife, you are forced to put your best foot forward and make the best of what you have been dealt.

You will be competing against the first wife’s skills. If she was a good cook or a frugal manager, it is going to be tough for a while until you can demonstrate your own strengths to offset hers. Even your bedroom antics will be measured against hers.

How you dress, do your make up, and wear your hair will not only be judged by your new spouse, but by all of his family and friends. Even after an ugly divorce, the in-laws will want to stay on her good side to get to see the grandchildren.

Being a second wife requires diplomacy and thick skin. You have to be able to navigate your way through all of those memories that often grow better with age. Every good thing that you do will be judged as to whether it is good enough. Every bad thing will become the anvil where your reputation will be flattened by red hot criticisms.

You need to be prepared for at least a year or more to pass before some family members will forgive you for marrying your husband. Work hard to keep the barbs and looks from penetrating too deeply.

You will need to push your husband to give you the emotional support that you need. It takes a lot of effort to keep standing up when there are many who try to knock you down.

This takes care of the bad side of being the second wife. If you are fortunate, his first wife was a shrew and is dead. She is not there to get better or to torment you. You will be given a fair shake at making good impressions on the family. Even if the first wife is alive, if she was a terror, most of his family will be glad to have someone like you and not her.

Every bad deed she does from this point forward will be a plus for you. If you can just keep your nose clean and paint on a smile every morning for the first few months, you should have it made. Even the small missteps that you take will be covered by her atrocities.

Either way, just plan on loving your husband and doing your best to be the wife he needs. Help him to be the husband that you need. Take your time and do not expect everything to work from the beginning. Like any marriage, a second marriage requires effort to become strong and enduring.