Asking Forgiveness for Adultery
Is there ever a valid reason for confessing adultery?
Maybe you’re a man who just wanted to spend an hour talking to someone who didn’t think you were the cause of all the problems in her life. Someone who thought you were smart, and funny. Maybe you’re a woman who just wanted to talk to someone who would actually listen to you without dismissing your feelings as inconsequential. One thing leads to another and you end up in bed with the person. The only problem is that you’re either already in a relationship or married.
Now That The Affair is Over
You are wracked by guilt. Perhaps your relationship has gotten better, or you feel stupid for giving in to a smooth talker. Either way you feel terrible. The time has come to decide whether to tell your significant other that you cheated on them. Telling them and asking their forgiveness is the right thing to do isn’t it?
Lie #1 The Burden of Guilt
I’m sorry honey, I cheated on you, I feel so guilty/bad.
Only part of this statement is true, they feel bad and they cheated on you. It is also true that they’re sorry because they didn’t realize they would feel so bad when it was over. They feel guilty. So what do they do? They decide that they would rather make the one person in their life that is supposed to be their dearest and most intimate friend feel terrible instead. They want to relieve themselves of the burden of their guilt by stabbing another person in the heart. Wow. If that’s not love I don’t know what is.
With close intimate friends like these who needs enemies?
Lie #2 It’s Your Fault
I’m sorry honey, I cheated on you. But you were gone at work/school/with-the-baby and I was lonely/bored/needed-someone-to-talk-to…
There you go, did you catch that? They’re sorry they cheated on you, but not really because it’s your damn fault in the first place. How could you be so terrible to them that they would have to look elsewhere.
Lie #3 Dishonest Honesty
I’m sorry honey, I cheated on you. But you deserve honesty.
Translate that – You deserve honesty because honesty is a good thing, and you can’t fault me for being honest, which means I’m doing a good thing, instead of the dishonest thing I did by cheating on you. They may even be telling their partner in the hopes their partner will end the relationship so they can be done with it and the partner who leaves ends up being the bad person for not being forgiving.