Am I in The Right Marriage?

March 11, 2013 by vjc  
Published in Marriage

Am I in the right marriage? A question that married people often ask.

Are you asking the same question?

Young people who are in love are often excited about the idea of marriage.  For them, marriage is the way to always be together without hesitations and restrictions.  For them, marriage is bliss – a wonderful blessing.  The perfect scenario.  The perfect marriage. 

But after getting married, things change.  Concerns, issues, dilemmas and problems occur.  With two different personalities and upbringing, with added stress, worry and disappointments, the two persons, who were once in love, begin to collide.  They started shouting at each other and start blaming one another.  Every small weakness becomes the greatest disappointments.  Every mistake is grounds for “I told you so”, “I should have known”, “If only you’d listen” and a whole lot of regrets.  Each regrets become bigger each day that the marriage seems to be the total opposite of what one dreamed of.  The marriage is now bound for destruction and separation, whether legal or not, seems to be the only option left.

What went wrong?  Where did I go wrong?  Things were heavenly at first.  Everything was perfect. Did I make a mistake?  Did I choose and marry the wrong guy?  Am I in the right marriage?

I remember asking myself a related question – “Should I enter married life?  Will I be in the right marriage?” 

I have my own perception of how married life should be, or how I want my married life to be.  I have my wish, dreams and desires.  I have my ideas of a wonderful marriage and family.  But if I marry my then boyfriend (which I am now happily married with), my pictures of a perfect marriage, which I have been dreaming of since Disney produced Cinderella, will not be possible — some maybe but not all.

I grew up in a close-knitted family where spending time with each other are given real value.  Though we have boyfriends and have grown up into full-blown responsible adults, we still choose to spend family days together and if our boyfriends want to spend time with us then we would just tag our boys along our family day. 

My boyfriend (then-boyfriend now husband J) is an overseas worker.  He spends most of his time away from family and friends and just goes home for vacation.  This is something that pops my balloon and often rains on my parade.  If I enter marriage with this guy, I will just be a “vacation” wife.  I will be alone 90% of the time and being alone is not my idea of marriage.  Our future doesn’t look promising.  I was unsure of marriage was a good idea.  Marriage is not designed to be taken care of by two people in two different time zones. I totally dislike the idea of being alone and to raise our children on my own.  I am totally against the thought of my children growing up with a virtual dad. 

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