Rihanna in early 2009 seemed to have it all; a hit record, money, love, acclaim. Everyone was vibing to her hypnotic single “Umbrella” and she was all set to receive awards and accolades from all over the industry. Then, on February 8th, 2009, two of the most up and coming stars of the R&B/Hip-Hop world clashed violently on the way back from a party. Soon, Rihanna’s bruised and battered face was all over the internet. Speculation ran rampant: what caused this young, golden couple to come to such a confrontation? Many rumors where out there, from an argument over cheating to finding out that one of the lover’s had given the other an STD but no one knew for sure what happened, except for the two people involved.

That’s domestic violence. No one outside can really judge or speculate accurately what goes on in an abusive relationship. Why do they stay? Why does he do it? Can they change? Is love enough?

I’ve been a victim. I had a boyfriend named Al (real name) that was very loving, at first. We had a whirlwind romance where within a week he was proposing marriage. He was jealous and possessive. Then he got physical. He’d hit me, beat me, kick me and curse me. He’d apologize. ‘Look what you made me do?’ he’d say. He’d cry with me. He’d acknowledge that he had a temper. ‘I get so angry because I love you so much’ as if strong emotions, good or bad was a good thing.

I don’t know why I bought into it. Maybe it was because I had very few relationships before and had no real frame of reference for what a relationship should be like. All the drama of a “Dynasty” episode? Maybe I wanted to believe his apologies and start fresh; even though we had only just started seeing each other. Low self esteem? Desperation? Loneliness? Naiveté? Sexual desire?

The last straw was when he beat me even though I was carrying his child. The look in his eyes told me that he was enjoyed seeing me in pain. He got a thrill from it. I had to do what any woman has to do in that situation; decide if I wanted to be in that relationship.

Al was never prosecuted for his crimes against me. I never called the police. My neighbors who heard the loud fights and eerie quiet afterward never called. My friends who saw the bruises never spoke about it.

Whether Al had changed his behavior is a mystery. I never saw him again after he left (I would like to say I threw him out, but I didn’t). He could have changed, got help. I felt bad for a long time afterwards that I didn’t get rid of him sooner, or saw the signs. I blamed myself for the beatings he gave me. Rihanna told Diane Sawyer this morning on “Good Morning America” that she went back “eight or nine times” and she was “blinded by love”. I know how that feels. I’m glad she saw the light. Some never do and remain in a dark place.

Then whose fault is it? The abuser or the person who stays? There has been a lot of blaming the victim and coddling of the abuser. The victim feels guilt, once they have the strength to leave, for not leaving sooner. If you leave, it’s a victory. You are only defeated if you stay knowing you should get out.

Stop the violence.

It’s Monday morning and team leaders of a large corporation are meeting with the president of the organization, his secretary and two of his assistants to create a memo that will inform the entire department of upcoming changes in the infrastructure of the business. “All departments will be affected: operations, accounting, customer service, supply, the mail room, maintenance, even the security officer in the lobby will see a reduction in his hours,” says the president of over 20 years. “Change is inevitable. We have to roll with the punches! The good thing is that no one will be let go!”

Now if you were present at this meeting, you would be prepared to handle almost anything that your boss and his assistants threw your way, because the memo he was planning to give out would be detailed enough for you to know what to do if he planned what he said before he said it and made his expectations clear. “Attached to the memo will be a list of specific instructions given to the staff at each department. Step-by-step we will tell them exactly what they need to do and how they need to do it. In addition, we will include the deadlines for each task. They will have no problem understanding the forthcoming changes, because everything will be in writing.” If he didn’t meet with his head assistants to create the memo and explain new procedures, the scenario would look something like this:

“Are we going to lose our jobs? I think I better start looking…I don’t know what I am doing anymore…The boss is always busy, he doesn’t bother to tell us anything.” Worries over rumors of change would be flooding the boss’ email inbox, his office chairs and his desk, he probably would tell his employees not to worry, but then reason he has no time to write up a memo or pass his responsibility to someone less knowledgeable about the business. He may also decide that going over every departmental procedure and tasks are also time consuming and opt out of that as well leaving his staff with the freedom to make up things as they go. “The man” without a plan is headed for disaster if he doesn’t draft a memo, inform his staff of changes, and tell them exactly what they need to do to make change less cumbersome.

Now let’s speed up to the evening part of the same day that he has met with staff at the workplace. We will follow this president home to his wife and children. Keeping in mind that he is already hours late since he promised to be home in time for dinner – to be exact about four hours late and no phone call and this seems to happen on a regular basis. He walks through the front door of his home mumbles a “hello” and proceeds to the bathroom and then his bedroom to watch his favorite sports team score. A routine he does so often that everyone in the household is growing tired of him barely communicating or spending time with anyone.

“I knew he would gain the lead…that’s why they pay him the big bucks,” the boss claps his hands and laughs at the television. “Absolutely phenomenal!” he cheers. While he is elated, his children come into the bedroom and want to share with him a few things that are coming up during the weekend related to school. He makes no eye contact, nods his head, and continues to watch the game. The next to enter the room is his wife as she speaks, he motions that he will talk to her later. “I need to know if you will be eating now, before I put the food into the refrigerator.” He continues to watch the game. She repeats herself, but he is so engrossed in the action of the game, he doesn’t respond again. She walks away irritated.

Notice how when the boss was at work, he effectively communicated with his staff how a plan needed to be created to tell the rest of the group about upcoming changes. This boss may have numerous awards because he is talented in managing, organizing, spotting potential problems, and maintaining great staff relations. However, when it comes to his home environment, he often comes home from work doing the same thing everyday – parked in front of a television, half listening to anyone who approaches him, or ignoring them altogether. The weekend will soon be upon this award winning president and he has plans to do like he always does watch television all weekend, which he hasn’t told anyone in his family his intentions because he has assumed they already know. However, he will become angry with his children Friday night, Saturday afternoon, and before Sunday morning church service, because they will have come to their father expecting him to participate in their events the same weekend. Yet, why should he act this way since they only tried to communicate to him earlier in the week, but he didn’t bother to shift his attention from the television screen to his children and listen to their needs?

“The big boss” as he is called by some of his staff, will also get into an argument with his wife the same weekend, because she will have suppressed her emotions during the week regarding his lack of appreciation, understanding, and most importantly communication with her. If he had thought like he did at work and created a time to meet with his family, even jot down a note or two communicating his plans to his family, there probably would have been less drama over the weekend. If he was a wise man, he would have remembered that foreplay for he and his wife began on Tuesday had he started leaving the office like he said he would. Another weekend without romance for the couple, because tears and yelling at one another had exhausted them.

The essential point to this article is to remind each reader that just as we are motivated by the almighty paycheck to do a good job at the workplace, we need to be just as motivated by the almighty God, family, and self to do the things that will keep our personal team together. No one will be worried over losing a job at the man’s place of business due to his effective communication and exceptional attention to detail. However, this same man may lose his family because of his lack of communication and his inattention to detail and let’s also not forget how he has a habit of not following through on promises as we could see from the example with his wife cooking dinner for the family while he stayed late at work and didn’t bother to communicate his intentions in advance.

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An occasional “I forgot” or “I will be working late” is okay for anyone who has been in a similar situation, but all the time? Those of us who work in office environments especially with numerous cubicles know that people tarry around the water cooler (sometimes trying to keep us from leaving when we would like), the supervisors’ offices (talking about 90% everything else and about 10% business after hours), other workers’ linger in one another’s cubicles eating and looking at things non-work related, or stand in the hallway of an office building as it gets closer to the end of the workday. Some office workers will hang out longer when they should be looking at their watch, walking out the door, and shifting their mental focus from work to family. Instead, they let the responsibilities of work collide with their home life. One reason for this relates to the dollars they receive from work, what better place to be than with the man or woman who cuts your paycheck! However, we should not be so focused on the dollar that we lose sight of what matters most. The dollar will not be on your side when you are lying on your back somewhere, pick you up, say I love you, watch over you, or even bury you! You need humans to do all of these things. You also need those around you to support you with their love, affection and yes even their dollars too when you can’t work. We all have a responsibility to our jobs, because without them we would not be able to care for our families; however, that is not an excuse to abandon your loved ones. As mentioned in the example, the president planned to create a memo; he didn’t just start writing or ignored the pending issues. He met with some staff to ensure that every detail was not overlooked; we need to do the same when it comes to our families. We need to incorporate some of the things we have learned on our jobs we love so much and try to implement those strategies into our homes so that we can love coming home just as much as staying late at work!

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Now I have two children, 7 and 3, and was doing okay with my first one being born at age 4, up to the time I was 7 months pregnant with his younger sister.  That’s when everything changed…  A cable truck ran a red light, without touching his brake, and slammed me from the passenger side.  I was terrified!  Not because the car I was driving was three days old, but because my daughter had been moving quite regularly, but wasn’t moving at all.

The entire ordeal cost my ability to move effectively, or participate in practically any activities I had been accustomed to; running, horseback riding, bowling, baseball, bowling, or even dancing.  My ability to drive a manual transmission was destroyed.  After three and a half years of fighting the system, arguing with lawyers about the settlement resting at $15,000 when the medical bills alone were over $24,000, I was exhausted.

Here I am now with two children… my savings are gone… my 401k retirement is spent… my belongings are holed up in a storage unit which I pay half of my monthly child support to keep… and we are in a shelter.

The accident also interrupted my schooling which was half finished… and my short-term memory has been rattled to where completing my schooling seems like an unattainable dream.  But it isn’t.

Now I’m working on a screenplay called The Bath School Murders, a set of children’s books (the first one is going to be available through Amazon called The Real Big Foot), and I will make it.  More importantly, WE will make it.  Life is what we make of it, and mine being a disaster is because I’ve allowed it to happen by not paying attention, planning or making wise decisions.

If you want to see how I fair, look me up in about a year… MJ Brewer.

1. The Wake Up Call
   If you are currently living with your lover, or perhaps they come over to stay the night, you should consider a proposal that I like to call “The Wake Up Call.”  In this proposal, you will have to find some way to make yourself wake up early in the morning before your woman does.  While she is asleep, you should slowly and gently slide the ring on her finger so that when she wakes up, she will find it there and you can pop the question!
2. Pet Proposal
   If your woman is perhaps a pet lover, and she has a dog or a cat you could perhaps have the animal assist you!  First you must befriend the animal so that it will let you close to it and feel very comfortable around you, comfortable enough to let you attach the ring to its collar.  The next time your woman is petting or showing affection towards the animal, she will be bound to notice that there is something shining around its neck!
3. Dinner and a Movie?
   Lets assume that you and your lover are like most of the average american couples, and you enjoy to go out to dinner and a movie.  You could go to a local theater and have her go ahead and find seats while you get popcorn.  Ask the employee to half fill the bag so that you can place the ring (inside of the box or else she might eat it!) in the popcorn and during the movie as you two are eating and enjoying yourself, she will eventually come across the ring!  Becareful though…  If your date isn’t a big popcorn eater, be prepared to take matters into your own hands and gobble it all down close to the ring!

If anyone else has any other custom made ways to propose, I’d be glad to hear about them.  Remember that one of the factors that affect the outcome of the answer is the way that you propose!

These assumptions are often made out of ignorance.  Of course there are some feminists who harbour a deep grudge against men but most of us do not.  Feminism is not about women claiming superiority over men and nor is it about women abusing men.  It is about everybody, men and women included, finding a way to live together and enjoy equality.  What can possibly be wrong with that?

I sometimes feel that as feminists we do not do enough to present our views in a way that makes people feel at ease.  Many critics of feminism claim that many of the important theorists in the field do not make the effort to engage those outside of an academic setting.  I would say that I do have to agree.  Feminist concerns do not appear to be represented very often outside of academia.  The result?  Lots of educated feminists who are well versed in Dworkin, Foucault and Butler but who do not necessarily know how to relate these theories to those outside of their immediate circle.

Many of the feminists I know (and again, this is within the confines of academia) do try to live out their political beliefs.  I don’t necessarily mean through avoiding relationships with men, although with some feminists this may be a consideration.  I mean that they will speak up for those who they feel are being oppressed, regardless of whether the oppressed individual happens to be male or female.  In recent years many feminists have committed themselves to the gay right movement.  A movement that has seen many changes here in the UK, particularly in relation to equality legislation.  One of my friends has often said that as feminists we must commit ourselves to spreading our own message because there is such misunderstanding out there.  Again, I agree with this point of view. 

There exists such a stereotypical view of feminism and those who define themselves as feminists.  I often find that whenever I disclose my political leanings, people look at me completely astonished and simply state “oh but you don’t look like a feminist!”  Perhaps they expect somebody in a flowery dress?  Dungarees?  With lots of underarm hair and a moustache?  I’m sorry to disappoint.  Yes, I wear make-up.  Yes, I have male friends.  Shock horror.  Some feminists are normal people who do normal things. 

What does feminism mean to me?  Appreciating a woman’s ability to be strong and influential in the world.  Allowing everybody the opportunity to make a contribution in the world, irrespective of gender or sexuality.  Appreciating everybody for who they are and for what they bring to the world.

A very wise woman once said, “There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists” (Leslie Moak Murray). Ms. Murray couldn’t be any closer to the truth. In accordance with hers, my motto is that nine out of ten people like chocolate, and the tenth person always lies. For many, including myself, this decadently smooth delight is considered to be the ninth wonder of the world. In fact, as far back as I can remember, I have had a love for this simple dessert, as does almost every woman on my mother’s side of the family. Clearly, this genetic addiction is too far out of my control, so I might as well just embrace it while I’m young and my metabolism is still kicking. Thus, here’s to you, chocolate, the best substance in the entire world.

Luckily for me, there are tons of studies showing the numerous health benefits of chocolate in all its forms. Dark chocolate, my personal favorite, has even more advantages than its lighter counterparts. One of the biggest buzzwords associated with the food is ‘antioxidants;’ which are compounds that prevent or slow the damage done to our body by free radicals (or by-products) of the oxygen our cells use. One antioxidant in particular, polyphenolic flavonoids, are more abundant in milk chocolate than in five servings of fruits or vegetables. They are known to prevent cardiovascular disease by minimizing the oxidation of low density lipoprotein cholesterol, and enhance immune function through the prolonged proliferation and activity of our white blood cells (SuperMarketGuru.com). Another active ingredient is phenethylamine, which stimulates the nervous system; triggering the release of endorphins that dull pain and give a sense of well being. Lastly, we have the neurotransmitters that increase the dopamine, serotonin, and anandamide levels in the brain — causing a feeling of sexual arousal and pleasure. Chocolate also contains healthful nutrients, such as the minerals calcium, phosphorus, magnesium, iron, zinc, and copper, which are essential for normal biological functions — growth, metabolism, and oxygen transport. As Michael Levine, a nutrition researcher, says in his book, The Emperors of Chocolate: Inside the Secret World of Hershey and Mars, “ Chemically speaking, chocolate really is the world’s perfect food.”

Moving away from the chemical aspects, let’s get down to the raw satisfaction that the taste itself gives us when compared to other not-as-delicious treats. Part of the pleasure of eating chocolate is due to the fact that its melting point is slightly below human body temperature, therefore causing it to melt in the mouth. What other dessert can you think of that does this? Ice cream melts, but to keep it in your mouth for an extended period of time would seem to be an unpleasant experience. What about hard candies? Those melt! This is so, however our generation has tested to be generally impatient, and these sugar rocks are just not doing it for me with the time aspect. So what if the whole melting thing just isn’t that big of a deal to you? Is there anything else about chocolate that makes it good besides its viscosity? I’m glad you asked. The next time you bite into a bar, remember this little fun fact: Aztec warriors would drink a cacao mixture as a kind of elixir before going into battle in order to maximize their strength and agility as they believed it to be a “nourishment of the Gods” (yenra.com). If you want to be fierce like the Aztec warriors and praised like a deity, get your daily moderation of chocolate. It’s that simple.

Perhaps the most cliched of chocolate’s uses is to prove to or remind that special someone how much you care about him or her. Valentines Day wouldn’t be the same without it; and for those like me, who usually go without a Valentine, it wouldn’t even be a worthwhile holiday except for the fact that buying a box for yourself becomes acceptable. Again, no other substance defines a day as much as this. Romantic lore commonly identifies chocolate as an aphrodisiac. The reputed “love” qualities of chocolate are most often associated with the simple sensual pleasure of its consumption. Although there is no proof that chocolate is indeed an aphrodisiac, a gift of chocolate is a familiar courtship ritual. Other well known aphrodisiacs in our culture are oysters, hummus, prunes, and coffee. Now, to me, these do not seem nearly as sensual or universally enjoyed as chocolate — they all have a certain acquired taste. Feeding them to your lover, you run the risk that he or she will not like them at all; which means no love for you. Indeed your safest bet is to go with a box of truffles, dark chocolate-dipped strawberries, or even just a Hershey kiss. In the classic comic, Peanuts, Lucy Van Pelt sums it up beautifully when she says, “All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!” (Charles M. Schultz) 

There is no other food out there that can chemically enhance your mood, increase your libido, and just taste so darn good. You don’t often hear of a group of people claiming to be “cheeseaholics,” now do you? There is simply no comparison. So the next time you want to amp up your spirit, look no further than the kitchen cupboard (unless you are such a sad individual as to not have at least some form of chocolate in your house at all times). Now if you’ll excuse me, all this talking about my sweet has caused me to be in desperate need to scrounge up a bit for myself. See you next Easter!

Frances Wingate is an archaeologist of some renown, having literally unearthed the ancient Saharan city of Tizouk. She embarks on frequent lecture tours, leaving her four children in the care of a nanny—being a single mother, she has no alternative. Men are drawn to some quality within her; a fellow archaeologist she met at a dinner professes, “I admire you immensely” (Drabble 49). Superficially, Frances appears to be the paragon of the secure and independent woman, and it is this impression that draws Janet Bird to her. As a quiet woman “who had been married only four years” (Drabble 130), Janet feels oppressed by her controlling husband Mark and her teething infant alike. In spite of her dissatisfaction with her life as it stands, she is visibly opposed to changes of any magnitude; she physically fears talking to neighbours or throwing a dinner party, and cannot fathom leaving her husband. The two women meet in an awkward, solemn way: while preparing the funeral of her great-aunt Constance, Frances visits Janet as she was the last person to see Constance alive. Initially, neither woman much likes the other—Frances sees Janet as “critical, mean, not yet quite hardened into irremediable bitterness, but well on the way towards it” and “could tell that Janet didn’t like her at all” (Drabble 321). Indeed, they never truly progress into an actual friendship because of these pointed differences in personality, but become concerned with one another regardless. Frances is unnerved to see a woman in this particular plight—and in fact, Janet is not just a woman but her distant cousin, related to Frances by blood. She recognizes the burden of a declining marriage, having once been divorced herself, and even pities Janet for being too meek to end it. Janet, having never been exposed to another lifestyle, marvels at Frances’ social ease, independence, and class, and it is obvious some part of her yearns for that sense of casual freedom.

When Janet steps out with Frances to have a drink at the bar, Mark is absolutely bewildered at this strange, bold woman; in a sense, it is like the myth of Demeter and Persephone. Demeter, as the mother of Persephone and goddess of the harvest, bounty, and fertility, is enraged when Hades captures her daughter and brings her to his underworld. After she manages to reclaim her daughter, Demeter finds that Persephone has sampled seven seeds from a pomegranate belonging to Hades—the food of the dead. By Zeus’ decree, Persephone was tainted by this, but a compromise was reached: “[Persephone] should spend three months of the year in Hades’s company, as Queen of [the underworld]…and the remaining nine in Demeter’s” (Graves 93). Frances plays this matronly role to Janet, and naturally feels the same fierce outrage as Demeter when she finds the younger woman ensnared in an unwanted marriage. Mark, as Hades, is unwilling to let Janet free, and not even one as strong as Frances can compel him to. The only victory Frances can win in this situation is to offer Janet the odd respite: an infrequent drink in the bar, as it were. Frances is inwardly shamed this is all she can do for the poor woman, and it perturbs her to see another so powerless (Moran 10).

Frances’ dedication does not extend to all members of her family, however. Her mother, Stella, more often known enigmatically as Lady Ollerenshaw, is a harsh and commanding woman; a pro-choice activist. In fact, she appears to be the ideal modern feminist, except as Frances observes: “Although in theory a feminist, speaking frequently of the need to emancipate woman from the chores of domesticity and child-rearing, she seemed not to like other women, and had few friends” (Drabble 83). The lack of connection between mother and daughter is likely because of this ironic inability to respect other women, which only confounds Frances. What confuses her further is her mother’s sexual nature: “Frances had always suspected that her mother didn’t care much for sex” (Drabble 83). She decides Lady Ollerenshaw, as a preeminent and outspoken gynecologist, had lectured about sex “too sensibly, too medically” (Drabble 83) to derive any actual joy from the act, and actually pities her father for the unexpected barrenness of the woman he married. In this regard, Frances exhibits an Electra complex—as Laure De Nervaux writes in his article The Freudian Muse, “In the female child’s version of the Oedipus complex, the father is figured as a law-giving instance and as an inaccessible object of desire, whereas the mother is regarded as an obstacle.” Frances, if not sexually lusting after her father, pities the man for his lack of power in his relationship with his wife, and she views Lady Ollerenshaw as a difficult and bitter woman.

Frances’ problems with her family extend farther than her mother alone—as she admits to herself, “she could no longer admit the concept of a two-parent family.” (Drabble 239) Not only does she not abide the idea of the nuclear family, but Frances has an immediate and total reaction to it as well; with a smile, she watches a father bike with son and daughter along a village road, but when she discovers the mother trailing behind the three, Frances “felt her smile fade, her approval vanish, her own vicarious pleasure die, the image shattered, the transient harmony destroyed” (239). The fact that such a benign concept infuriates her causes her distress; in the past, Frances had considered herself a very well-rounded and together woman—“If Frances has fears about predestination or hellfire, we never hear about them” (Grosvenor 89)—but this apparent lack of typical family values calls that into question. In spite of her fear of the nuclear family, she seeks the idolatry of her former love—not her ex-husband who had caused her so much duress, but her lover Karel Schmidt. He is the sole person for whom Frances is willing to discard her strong, independent ideals. Frances decides, “She should have had another baby, years ago, with Karel. Another family” (Drabble 240). Although decidedly uncharacteristic, this ambivalence regarding the desire for family causes her to question her place in life, and where these bonds should fit into it. Eventually, she falls on the side of love, and as Karel and Frances move to the idyllic countryside to rear a large, united family, Frances realizes she is perfectly content having shed the title of ‘independent career woman’ and the stresses associated with it.

What none of the women in The Realms of Gold consciously recognize is that the power they strive for not only the confidence exuded by successful, active individuals, but is entirely subjective. Frances desperately wants to offer Janet freedom, or the ability to step away from her failed marriage and begin anew, but one is left to wonder what a woman as meek as Janet could do with such a chance when what she lacks most is the capacity to assert herself within the confines of her marriage. Lady Ollerenshaw believes she must assume a cold and commanding demeanor towards the public and her own daughter alike in order to be successful as a career woman or credible as a feminist, while Frances is bewildered by this as she achieves this effortlessly without the callous attitude. Frances herself is slow to draw the conclusion familial bonds are vital and that success and independence are not all there is when one feels compelled to raise a family, regardless of how atypical that family would be. In Realms, the true mother figure possesses so much more credibility—so much more power—than they once thought possible. Frances’ matronly outrage for Janet’s plight makes her appear all the more noble for it, while Lady Ollerenshaw’s utter lack of concern leaves her barren and unlikeable. And Frances, in the end, achieved the matronly role she secretly desired and all the power associated with it; “A happy ending, you may say. Resent it, if you like. She will not care: she is not listening” (Drabble 356).

Works Cited

 ”An Interview with Margaret Drabble”. The Oklahoma Review. 16 April 2000. 14 May 2009.

Cuddon, J.A.. The Penguin Dictionary of Literary Terms and Literary Theory. 1976. London:

Penguin Books, 1998.

De Nervaux, Laure. “The Freudian Muse: Psychoanalysis and the Problem of Self-Revelation in

Sylvia Plath’s “Daddy” and “Medusa”". E-rea: Revue électronique d’études sur le monde anglophone. 15 June 2007. 14 May 2009.

Drabble, Margaret. The Realms of Gold. London: Penguin Books, 1975.

Graves, Robert. The Greek Myths. 1960. London: The Folio Society, 1999.

Grosvenor, Valerie Myer. Margaret Drabble: A Reader’s Guide. London: Vision Press, 1991.

Moran, Mary Hurley.  Margaret Drabble, Existing Within Structures. Carbondale and

Edwardsville: Southern Illinois University Press, 1983.

Rose, Ellen Cronan. Critical Essays on Margaret Drabble. Boston: G.K. Hall & Co., 1985.

Rose, Ellen Cronan. The Novels of Margaret Drabble: Equivocal Figures. Totowa: Barnes &

Noble Books, 1980.

Sadler, Lynn Veach. Margaret Drabble. Boston: Twayne Publishers, 1986.

George Eliot

Something a social rebel in her own time, Victorian author George Eliot poses questions about society, morality, and a woman’s role in the world with a masterful style and talent rivaling her male counterparts. Her striking novel “The Mill on the Floss” unfolds with a tale of female submission resulting in tragedy and heartache.

Jane Austen

Tea, men troubles, and matrimonial woes — what more can we ask for in a regency novel? Austen’s “Pride and Prejudice” isn’t just a simple love story, however: it’s a picture of society at large and a woman’s role as she forges a path to success within those boundaries. Woven, of course, with a thread of romance that touches the hearts of readers longing for their own happy endings.

Willa Cather

The voice of independent womanhood (more so than controversial Eliot) Cather’s colorful stories of women against the odds and often against convention. “The Song of the Lark” is a moving chronicle of a young woman’s journey against the odds into artistic triumphant and her sacrifice of love, security, and sympathy.

Toni Morrison

The moving account of “The Color Purple” inspired moviegoers and Oscar voters alike. For female audiences, the raw emotion of womanhood’s love, loss, and strength in the midst of frailty makes a resounding connection.

Kate Mansfield

Her short stories are deeply moving, painted with light and color in a world perceived through eyes both shrewd and innocence. The sense of epiphany in “The Garden Party” is akin to the coming of age for the wide-eyed young girl who witnesses tragedy firsthand.

Amy Tan

Mothers and daughters are the theme of Tan’s ethnic-infused literature. The bonds explored in “The Joy Luck Club” transcend the Chinese-American experience and touch the hearts of readers with unmistakable insights into this unbreakable, complex feminine relationship.

Charlotte Bronte

One of the most recognized classic female authors, Bronte’s”Jane Eyre”, often painted as a simple romance, is a complex portrait of a woman choosing independence and self-worth over a lifetime of abuse and hatred, and the tempting prospect of wealthand worship. The stalwart determination of Jane sharply contrasts with the fainting romantic types of Collins’ period romance.

Sarah Orne Jewett

A strong female voice in 19th-century American literature, Jewett’s”The Country of the Pointed Firs” is a female-dominated novel exemplifying the strength and sagacity of women. Amidst a background of rustic rural life, folklore, and herbal magic, she creates a world which respects and relies on strong, wise feminine counsel.

Anne Tyler

This New York Times bestselling author peeks into middle-aged womanhood with a touching, funny perspective unmatched by others. “Back When We Were Grown-Ups” explores midlife crisis, altered paths, and vanished dreams for a woman between lives.

L.M. Montgomery

The celebrated author of the “Anne” series embarks on a journey of feminine independence in “The Blue Castle”. While the heroine’s journey inevitably ends with a romantic reunion, her journey to find a life of her own, on her own, signals a shift in social expectations in Montgomery’s lifetime.

Celebrating women’s role in great literature by diving into the literature of great female authors and discovering why their books fill shelves and draw devoted fans.

There seems to be a plethora of articles and celebrity autobiographies regaling the media about the “working mothers” and “yummy mummies” who parent their little treasures effortlessly, whilst attiring themselves in the latest fashions and keeping pace in the world of work.  Utter rubbish!  Firstly, gym subscriptions, constantly updated wardrobes and childcare, cost.  Secondly, “working mother’s” do not juggle motherhood with their jobs, they delegate the role of parent to an organisation or individual with suitable experience or qualifications at an embarrassingly meagre charge so that they can take the easy road.  Let’s face it, raising children is tiring, stressful and fraught with uncertainty.  No day is the same yet the monotony of the endless chores takes incredible patience and organisation.  There are no lunch breaks for mum’s, you can’t close the office door on an emotional, over-wound child, no one provides translation for the under fives incessant demands or sudden, catastrophic tantrums and you don’t get a Christmas bonus for keeping the child safe, healthy and happy for the last 365 days.

The thing is that women who begin a relationship with a good job and a great figure should infact receive more praise for “letting go” when they become mother’s not less.  They are demonstrating the incredible flexibility and diversity of womanhood.  Most of my husband’s communications with me following the birth of our child related to my hair, clothes, household chores and indifference for exercise.  I was not lazy, or frumpy or boring, I was a mother, and I say that with pride.  The man that is attracted to a woman because of her figure and earning potential will always be disappointed.  We all age and if you want to procreate then there are physical consequences for the woman.  Not that in time these can’t be rectified but must it be done in a matter of months? 

Forgive me for being overly romantic, but a successful long term relationship is not reserved for the aesthetically perfect human specimen with the sexual appetite of a hormone driven eighteen year old.  Yet, women do expect more of themselves in terms of career and looks as well as motherhood, but they also expect more of their men.  Bringing home a healthy pay check no longer cuts the mustard.  We want men who are good fathers, good cooks and good conversationalists; men who will put as much effort into their family as they do their jobs; men who can see further than hair, makeup, a chic mini dress and a pair of Jimmy Choo’s.  In a nutshell we want men who have as much to offer as we do.  If they want us to turn a blind eye to their forty something spreading midrifts, thinning hair and inflating jowls they should have the decency to forgive a few years of devotion to raising the next generation and putting our own needs on the back burner. 

Raising children is undoubtedly the most rewarding career in the world, it requires the greatest sacrifice and highest level of commitment.  It’s not for everyone, but for the brave women out there who do the job day in day out they should be applauded.  How sad it is that so many men only seem to make that job even harder by chipping away at a mother’s self-esteem.  My theory: that men require a woman’s outward appearance to substitute for their own insecurity about their role and ability within a family.  “If she looks good, has a good job and we have children the world will think I am a successful male.”  We are in a goal-orientated, product based society.  Perhaps the thinking needs to shift and we should realise that the children would rather be at home with mummy than fighting for a morsel of attention in a nursery, that children would prefer mummy and daddy to be happy together than to look good when they go out dating and that children would prefer to holiday in Bournemouth and take their first steps, say their first words and learn to use the toilet at home, than cross their early milestones unrewarded in a childcare establishment so that they can travel to the Costa del Sol with  two people who have no idea how to relate to them.

I wonder if Simon Jones would have been better off having a vasectomy in his teens, as producing children seems to have devastated his rather inflated ego and in turn the lives of two committed mothers and their children.