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Marriage joins families that are poles apart even when you marry the boy next door. You start off looking for faults and everyone battles uphill from there. This can improve with time. Familiarity will breed if not affection, at least acceptance.

Maybe  you are too young to know about mother-in-law jokes. They always used to begin, “My mother-in-law is so. . . . . and usually she was fat or ugly.”  I don’t think people make them now because mother-in-laws are good looking and physically fit.  Therefore, don’t be shocked if your mother-in-law is out for a night of topless dancing.

credit: clarita @ Morgue File

What you can expect

There is this funny thing between daughters and mother-in-law and he is called her son. Mothers of sons always say, “If you have a daughter you have her for life, you have a son till he takes a wife.” It’s true really. A man can usually only manage one dominating woman in his life at a time and it’s a sensible man who makes that woman the one he is living with.

How well you get along with your mother-in-law is entirely dependent on your husband. If he loves and respects his mother above everyone, would never dream of offending her and his name is Oedipus, you are in for a rocky old time. You’ll be expected to be at her place for lunch every Sunday, every Christmas and other holy days, and he will drop everything at a moment’s notice to be by her side.

What you need is a man who has separated emotionally from his mother, who has an easy, friendly relationship with her and who isn’t frightened to say, “can we make that next week and not this minute?” Unless of course her house is on fire, in which case he should make it quite clear that your guest room is for temporary use only.

Probably, if you continue to like your husband and haven’t been completely beastly to him, you will get to like his family and perhaps have a good laugh with his mother. My mother-in-law, I’m sorry to say, is so dead that I no longer have a relationship with her. But I liked her a lot.

Why husbands turn out like they do

Whether he likes it, fights it or not, your husband has inherited his parents genes and so he will grow old and be just like one or  the other or a combination of both of them.

Credit: Click @ Morgue File

Areas of discord

You are most likely to fall out with your in-laws over the children and your husband’s health. Your child-raising methods will almost certainly not be theirs and you will have to explain this to your children before or after they go to stay with them. Then the children will tell their grandparents what you have said and there will be frosty silences all around until your husband has a quiet word with you on the way home. Then his mother will complain about his poor health and you will tell her if she’s that bothered she can have him back.

They are his family after all – don’t force him to choose

Still, they are his family which makes them your family. And sooner or later, you will recognize them as your  family. You will throw their bad points at your husband whenever it suits you and he will throw your family’s bad points back at you. Therefore, it is a must that if you want to survive that you have some ammunition for sneaky counter-attacks.

Marriage might not be the way to go in our society but the relationship between connecting families is just as dodgy. There’s a rich vein of bitterness in the whole in-law set-up but having these tips will help you to start loving your mother-in-law from day one!

In my opinion, married people who have affairs are less likely to divorce.  Why?  Because they get all that sexual tension out of their system when they have sex with another human being.  Many will attack Senator John Edwards for impregnating his mistress while his wife was undergoing chemotherapy, but he was just doing what feels good.  If you think about the consequences every time you want to do something that feels good, you’ll feel miserable all your life.  Yes, there is STD’s out there.  But that’s why people wear condoms.

My wife use to cheat on me all the time with another man.  Surprisingly, that other man was my brother.  I was angry at her first but then I realized why she did it.  She did it because it was suspensful.  She risked being caught and it made the affair more adventurous for her.  After talking with her, we came to an agreement. If we have an affair on the side of our marriage, then we have to take each other out for dinner every single week.  So I get to enjoy being both married and dating 2 seperate women.  And my wife gets to do it with 2 seperate men. Me and my wife’s marriage couldn’t be happier because of the promise we made to take each other out on a date every week.

Now I know you women are a bit scared of having an affair due to the fear of getting pregnant.  Thanks to the wonders of science and technology, abortion has never been easier.  When my wife was cheating on me, she was shocked when she learned that she was pregnant.  We agreed that if I was going to let my wife continue dating other men, then she would have to get an abortion.  So now whenever she is pregnant, she gets an abortion and the process is really easy and painless.

I know we live in a conservative nation, and most likely people will look at this article and think it’s satire.  This article is not satire, nor am I joking.  I am dead serious with this article, and I feel America would have a lesser divorce rate if people would stop going crazy every time their wife or husband cheats on them.  It is based around my true beliefs that love should be free and marriage should not tie someone down if they want to fool around.  Marriage is just a piece of paper.  It’s not ownership of your soul.  Married women should have all the sex they want with anyone they know and not feel ashamed about it.  I know there are many words like “whore” or “slut” that get used about women who fool around, but that’s only because men think they should be the only ones allowed to cheat.

Well, if these are your symptoms, the answer is very simple: vanity. Your hurt ego did it while you watched “powerlessly” how the cup of bitter and honey for better and worse was being spilled on the drain.  I for one find the most bitter the fact that I was taken by surprise and he didn’t communicate with me before his getting on the wrong foot.  If he would have just addressed me his concerns openly, I would have definitely cease what I know now for a fact that it was disturbing him and killing his love for me and indirectly pushing him between the arms of another woman .  It is something when somebody tells you stop it, I don’t like you doing this and something terrible else saying doing this will get you nowhere, this path leads you to a lost cause.  The exactly opposite reaction he got out of me, got me more determined to show him that I am fighting for our cause in a viable path.  Communication has a hard word to say in any relation, especially in marriage  And what exactly was so difficult to swallow that made you want out and file for divorce?  How did it all started? Weren’t you too, too busy doing something that he found not too interesting as to count it as mutual benefit or not much of his liking, and he felt left aside or neglected?  No sane human being, ever chooses to be out of something he loves.  So definitely, without trying to find excuses for him, you were in it too, a cause for pushing him astray. 

Most of the times turns out that the most difficult was obeying God’s plan for Eve.  We forget to count our blessings and enjoy the moment, each second as if it is going to be the last second on Earth.  Hopefully we grew wiser out of it, and  if we ever have the chance to be together again…whenever we sense negative feelings at the horizon of our marriage we ask God either to change the way we perceive the offending situation and help us change our resentful feelings into positive ones, or to act upon our beloved one and change his mind or his behavior that we women dislike, but  never complain to him directly about problems, not untill he will particularly ask for it (no man will ever do)  Just let us have a little faith.

Last night, while sleeping soundly, I awoke startled to the feel of something slammed into my face. It was a pillow. My husband, in his excitement, or his desire to rid me from his world, took a pillow and slammed it in my face. Since he was pretty close to me, I simply presume that he was trying to move the pillow while he was sleeping. So I grabbed the pillow from him, and in a state of blind psychotic rage, threw it back at him. Luckily, by the time I threw it back at him, my brief rage had passed, and I didn’t shove him out of bed by way of my foot connecting with his stomach. He would have been pretty ticked. His response to me was, “I didn’t think you were there.” I thought to myself, where else would I be? If not in bed with him, would I have been at the bar? I don’t know. But the first rule in marriage is do not abuse your spouse. Not physically, emotionally, or mentally. Or even in bed. Unless they ask for it.

I love to argue, and since my husband does not, I like to have a little fun. We were leaving from church one day, and the following is how our conversation went. I was really trying to argue, and he had taken his time talking to the pastor while I was starving in the truck.

Me: I am starving, what did you have to talk to the preacher about?

Hubby: Oh, just a quick question. Do you want to eat at home or out?

Me: I don’t care, I am just hungry.

Hubby: How about McDonald’s?

Me: No, I don’t want any burgers.

Hubby: Do you want to cook?

Me: I don’t care.

Hubby: Well, Krystal, where do you want to eat?
Me: I don’t care, baby. Let’s go to Taco Bell.

Hubby: Are you purposely trying to argue?

Me: Yes. I am in an argumentative mood. Since you won’t argue with me, I have to find something.

Hubby: I hate to argue.

Me: No you don’t.

Hubby: Yes, I do.

Me: I don’t think you do.

Hubby: Knock it off.

Me: Okay. How much do you love me?

Hubby: More than I could ever express.

Me: Why?

Hubby: A lot of reasons baby.

Me: I don’t think you do.

Hubby: Yes I do.

Me: No you don’t.

Hubby: I love you very much.

Me: You might love me, but not like you say.

Do you get the flow here? My poor husband. I purposely put him through the wringer for a little bit of fun. The really bad part is, he knew what I was doing and still argued with me. God love men. They are so tolerant. I would have killed me by now.

I recently read an article in an archived newspaper online. A husband, several years ago, was arrested for hitting his wife in the head with an onion. This coincides with my husband telling me a story about his first wife. He said they argued, and that after saying something he shouldn’t have, she threw a plate at him. As he tells it, she doesn’t remember what happened. He ended up on his knees because the bone china plate she threw caught him on the back of his head.

Let this be a lesson gentlemen. We are in our element in the kitchen, and we can do things with a pair of tongs and a spoon that you wouldn’t ever dream possible.

2. Fight Naked.

When we got married, my Mom and Dad gave us rules that had helped them to get through 20 years of marriage. One of those was to fight naked.

I never really thought about this, as you can probably relate because regardless of how you argue in a marriage, you are not thinking about taking off your clothes. I don’t remember what it was about (do we ever?), but we were arguing, and it was a good, loud, door-slamming, floor-stomping, yelling fight. Actually, I think we were getting ready to go somewhere (I know you ladies all love that experience, especially when you have to be there.). But anyways, he decided to get in the shower while I was still yelling at him. As I stated before, I like to fight, so when we are REALLY fighting, I just have to get my words in. So he gets into the shower, I am still yelling at him, and I pulled back the shower curtain telling him, “NO, listen to me for a minute.” He says, “No, I don’t want to talk, go away,” and pulls the curtain back to where it was.

So I am fuming. Deciding in a few seconds what to do. So I tell him, “If you don’t listen to me, I will come in there.”

Again, he says, “No, go away.” So I am still fuming. By this time I am so hot my head is steaming, and it is NOT from the shower.

Suddenly, my parent’s advice floated through my head. So I stripped, and pulled back the shower curtain, figuring I would either A. pique his interest at the sight of me or B. make him laugh.

After yanking back the shower curtain I said, “We are now observing marriage rules. If you don’t talk to me, I WILL come in there, or you can break my neck while pushing me out.”

He says NOTHING and yanks the shower curtain back.

So I yanked it open again. Now he is standing with soap in his hair, his beard, his big hairy chest, and various other places I won’t mention in polite company, and I am standing outside the shower naked, waiting for his reaction. He yanks it shut again.

Finally I decided I was going to solve the shower curtain issue completely, and this time took it off the rack totally and threw it into the garden tub. The look on his face was priceless. His jaw was wide open in shock, still with soap on his beard, and dripping into his eyes. Finally, I just started giggling because the look on his face was just hilarious. I wish I could paint a portrait. His eyes were big as saucers and his mouth hung to the ground.

When we got done laughing our butts off, he asked, “Can I please finish showering?”

So. Naked fighting, and persistence, while not normally remembered, is a very good antidote to marital arguments.

The next two really need no explanation….

3. It’s Okay To Fight Dirty As Long As You Don’t Leave The House.

4. Ladies, Naked Coercion Can Stop An Argument.

There are many horror stories of spousal abuse, and there will always be more to come, but we would like to look at just a few examples which send a revolting shock to the senses and cause mouths to fly open in wonderment. Surely, the women here did not deserve such treatment, but their inability to see the axe coming down to chop off their happiness was not perceived. All names have been changed to protect privacy and avoid embarrasment.

Drink the Broth

Pete would be coming home in a few hours. Marsha tidied up the house and went in to check on the dinner which was in the oven and on top of the stove. She sampled the gravy, stirred the peas, turned the steak over and pricked the baking potatoes with a fork. She sampled a piece of each and returned to her cleaning. Marsha yearned for the day when she and Pete could sit down together and enjoy such a delicious dinner. It use to happen, then suddenly Pete decided that Marsha only need to drink the broth from the vegetables along with consuming tiny samples of food from the upcoming dinner. Yes, Pete, who earned the living did not want Marsha to gain weight. He allowed her the privilege of only drinking the broth.

For a while, Marsha went along with Pete’s idea, hiding a small bottle of vitamins under the mattress. The vitamins were at least a guarantee of keeping her body alive and functioning. Marsha was amazed at the length of time that she went along with Pete, but she loved him so and after all he was the principal breadwinner. One day, when she felt that their secret could no longer be kept, she shared it with a neighbor. The neighbor gasped at the idea. Everyone in the neighborhood saw Pete as a fine man, a good provider, and a wonderful neighbor.

When Marsha could take the broth eating notion no more, she left. Yes, she would have to earn a living for herself. Yes, she would have to find a new life, but the torture which she endured at Pete’s hands could be no worse. Marsha stepped up to the plate of realizing that Pete no longer loved her, but was greedy and not willing to see her any longer as a wife, but a thing to be controlled. Marsha would no longer allow him to manipulate the strings and see the puppet jump.

What’s Mine and Yours is All Mine

Patsy saw the signs– little signs that told her the marriage might have an element of control lurking in the eaves, but Patsy loved Wayne so much that she, too, felt she would be able to defy the odds.

Their wedding day was gorgeous. Patsy was a stunning bride, all dressed in white and behind her veil shone a radiant face all aglow with love. Wayne was a stunning groom, at last satisfied that his gorgeous bride was his. That’s how it all began.

As time went on, Wayne, who was money driven, suggested that all money be placed into a mutual account. However, as time went on, Patsy discovered that she had to ask permission to draw from the pot whenever she needed even the least item. She was so in love that at first it didn’t matter. They were working together, until the day that her feet were aching. She needed just a pair of shoes, and Wayne expressed reluctant that she should get herself a new pair. That was the turning point. Patsy begin to see that the mutual bank account was hers only in the sense that she could make deposits into it, but not extract her needs out of it. She faced the fact, that it was a lopsided affair. She hastened down to the bank and opened her own separate account.

Many marriages start out with the “one pot” philosophy, but when one’s spouse begain to control the account and the other mate has to ask permission to buy a $3.00 item, it becomes oppressive. The “what’s mine is ours” plan turns into a “what’s ours is all mine” reality. Spousal abuse sometimes comes when one or the other in the marriage seeks to use money as a controlling factor. The marriage begins to break down at that point. Each person begins to go in separate directions because of mistrust and the already generated abuse.

Beauty and the Beast

It has often been asked why some beautiful women marry a man who hates his own looks. Many gorgeous, gracious women find themselves in cages behind bars of jealousy and abuse because they are beautiful and have chosen men whom society deems unattractive and undesirable. If you have heard the saying, “Never marry an ugly man!”, then you know that it is good advice. The unattractive man tends to know that he has obtained a creature of immense beauty and he must somehow keep her threatened, abused, and mistreated to hold on to her. One such woman, gorgeous and a beauty object by anybody’s standards came into the hospital and wanted to kill herself. She had swallowed some poison. Of course her husband maintained that she did not need medical assistance at that time. She died there at the hospital, a victim of being a beauty for the beast. Some unattractive men make their wives pay for all the insults, slurs and rejections that they have encountered in their own lives.

Don’t Need You Now

The breathtaking bride of his youth has now become a middle-aged woman. Her eyes are beset with a few wrinkles. Her figure has contoured to include a little round spots because she has born children. Her hair is graying, and her smile is not as often because she has been a good wife and mother. However, her husband now allows himself to see the same flicker she once had in the eyes of another much younger woman. They call it mid-life crisis, but what it is, is mid-life craziness. The bride of his youth is no more his sensation. Her appearance now resembles a haggard, old worn out woman, who needs to just go away. And rather than her going away, her husband chooses to distance himself by divorce and even moving away with a new bride. It’s divorce in the raw, and we’ve seen it too many times. What is not reckoned with is the fact that the husband is also older, not as vibrant, and certainly by the time he pays alimony, child support, if any, and tries to make his new bride happy, he is worn out too. His actions come back to bite him hard. Look into the face of those who have gone through this phase in their lives. The husband cannot hold up his head proudly. He looks like a bird who has tucked in his tail, and has had his wings clipped for life.

Beating and Cheating

On that day when the lovely bride said, “I do!” she never imagined that beating or cheating would enter into her marriage. These two twins have caused the eclipse of many marriages. There are other things, but in the main, these are primary. Sometimes a man simply cheats in his heart. He desires other friendships, and spends more time trying to make others happier than his wife happy. He usually uses the sad excuse that he is trying to supply a father figure or be a good neighbor to someone in need. Wives know. They are aware when the spotlight turns from them and focuses elsewhere.

Spousal abuse is rampant. It exists in the homes of the rich and the poor. The rich can keep it concealed because they can cover it up with cruises, volunteer work, and numerous plans that can help the wife live away from the diminished home. She can occupy herself in so many tasks, that the abuse seems next to none. But the poor have to suffer with it over and over. Their options are less, many ending in leaving and divorce. A few cases have ended in death.

It is hoped that those who have experienced any kind of spousal abuse in the raw– verbal abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect, or just being ignored, will be quick to recognize it. If, after much prayer, marriage counseling, and effort, they find there is no change, there have the option to make the necessary moves which will get them back on track with love and living. When that once dashing groom who asked for his bride’s hand has lost his marital focus, it is time for the once stunning bride to gain a new focus. Abuse is never the answer, but loving herself as God loves her, is.

1. A happy marriage is not one without problems. It is one in which the couple learn to solve their problem, or to live with it for as long as they live. Life itself is a problem solving adventure. The solution to some problems is to decide to live with them. Problems will continue to exist. What matters is how they are handled.
2. There is pain in a happy marriage. True love is one that survives after hurts and wrongs. The real test of love is hurts that it forgives. Without wrongs love is not real. Love that surmounts no wrongs is not yet love. Just as we need darkness to appreciate light, hurts make us know whether we are truly in love or not.
3. A happy marriage is a creation and not an accident. It requires commitment from the wife and the husband. Nothing good comes by itself. People make them happen. So it is for marriages too. It requires a lot of investment, in time and money. Just like any other investment, this one also takes time to yield the expected results. Therefore the earlier it is done the better.

A happy marriage is not a movie. It is real life.

After a number of years the old memories get harder and harder to remember, resulting in a boring, stale existence together.

However, we could shake ourselves out of this dust-covered rut and loudly shout “No!” to this happening to us. If you feel that you need to remind your partner that you really do love him, the time has come plan a full and fabulous love-revival week! To help you along your way, I”ve listed 7 different ways to do so, one for each day of the week, – and not a strange uniforms in sight!

These actions would take a measure of sacrifice on the part of the doer, (may even mean you have to take a few hours off work) but it would reap benefits 7-fold from the person you love. These ideas are not about being submissive, they are merely about investing into your relationship by trying out new ways to show him that you still care. They’re also about retrieving that loving, carefree girl you once were before you got so used to the man sleeping beside you in bed every night, that you no longer notice him when the frenzy of the shrill alarm clock smacks you in the face at the cusp of dawn.

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1. Wake up early on Saturday morning before he does, and take his car to the car wash. Have it valeted and professionally polished, finishing up by filling his tank with petrol (you may have to leave a note to say you’ve “borrowed” his car, or he may get worried if he wakes up and you’ve disappeared, and with his car too!). Make sure that you’re not filling up a diesel engine with petrol (gas).


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2. If you know that he’s doing nothing particular at the week-end rent a camper van and surprise him with an overnight camping trip to a historical place where you can make fantastic new memories for the future, (or to a romantic place to relive old ones).


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3. Add something special to his collection. If he likes books, get him a copy of a classic book that you know he would enjoy reading. If music is his thing, find out what age he was when he first got interested in music, then get him musical hits from that particular year.


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4. If he has a personal telephone at his workplace, leave a short poem as a message on it on Monday morning (nothing too raunchy as there may be other people nearby). Sending texts has become so easy and impersonal, that they no longer have the impact a message on a land line would have.


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5. Give him a foot massage. You wouldn’t have to take time out to do this, as it could be done while watching TV, taking a bath together, or while having a glass of wine with each other as you chill out after a hard day.


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6. Get someone in to do a job he’s “been meaning to do” for sometime. It would take the worry of it off his mind.




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   Get to his heart through his stomach, by going to his favourite coffee shop on your way to work and pre pay for his cup of coffee (you could leave a message or a note too). Pack him a lunch and include an extra special dessert. That night, make plans for the kids to be taken care of, and cook him a fabulous meal accompanied by champagne on ice. You could have dessert delivered, or if you’re a fantastic cake maker, do your most special creation.

After this revival week, your husband will be reminded of all the fun you two used to, and still can have together. This investment will last for years to come and you would’ve reminded him just how much you love him.

He would take your cue, and because of how much he enjoyed his week of love, may be planning one for you before long. Love is not just a feeling, it takes plenty of effort and dedication. With the rush of life upon us, and kids demanding so much of our free minutes, it’s difficult to find a second to remember to spend time with each other. Reminding him by “reviving” your love gives you a bit of scope for being a bit lazy sometimes, or does it?

Make a Plan:

Husbands are advised by several Web sites to start planning for divorce well in advance of filing. Most seem to recommend six months or more.

Stop Working Overtime:

Yes, you read that correctly. The best advice out there for the husband planning to ditch his wife and children is to work as little as possible for at least six months prior to the filing date. The advisor explains that the court looks at the husband’s income as of the filing date to determine the amount of child support and alimony he will be ordered to pay.

Lower Your Wife’s and Children’s Standard of Living:

The theory here is that the courts look to the wife’s current lifestyle and standard of living the husband has provided to determine alimony and the same with the children, in order to maintain their lifestyle. What these sites are recommending that men do, it to make some subtle changes around the home and in spending that will lower the amount of money spent on a wife and the children.

Asset Shifting:

For wives who are not involved in the day-to-day management of the family finances, an unscrupulous husband has the opportunity to hide assets, sell off assets or otherwise attempt to keep marital assets out of the court’s notice. Wives should be aware of any changes in ownership of cars, boats, or other assets.

Reduce the Value of a Small Business:

Does your husband own a small business that was created during the marriage? If so, has he changed his work habits? Is he working less? Earning less money? If so, he may be contemplating divorce. Web sites are quick to business owners to slow down the work to lower the business’s value prior to filing. Women should watch for these subtle clues and be aware of how this will affect them in court.

Limit the Choices of Attorneys for Wives:

Did you know your husband is also being treated to advice on how to prevent his wife – that’s you – from hiring the best, most aggressive and most successful divorce attorney in town? It’s amazing the information that exists to help your husband divorce you when, statistically speaking, divorced men recover faster financially from divorce than do women. So, be aware. Start looking for an attorney early on – even after your first inkling of a problem. Just because you contact an attorney or even sit down to meet with them, does not mean you’ve committed to divorcing your husband. But it is best to be informed and prepared.

Suddenly, He Takes an Interest in Parenting:

Yes, it’s sad but true. Your husband will learn soon enough that he will lower or eliminate his child support liability if he is awarded joint or full custody. In order to make such a claim being in the best interest of the children, he needs to show that he is involved in their lives in a “joint parenting” capacity. If Dad is suddenly interesting to schlepping the kids to school, offering to make their lunches and signs up to help out in the classroom, you can bet that he’s looking to lower his child support and is documenting his case for custody.

Watch for some of these subtle indicators and then do some planning of your own. It’s no longer merely a matter of catching him having an affair, but of him cheating you and your children from the financial security you each deserve

In the world we live, where successful men are almost headhunted by beautiful, equally successful, younger and powerful women. It is vital that wives, (who are often, but not always, spending all of their time working and looking after the children), know how to make that man who’s married to you, choose you above the other women with whom he comes into regular contact.

1. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff
   
   

   If he is a good dad and a faithful husband, don’t pay too much negative attention to small issues like his inability to remember to get you flowers on Valentines Day for example.

   Yes your friend’s husband always remembers, but does he do all the things your husband does for you at the times when it really matters.
   No one is perfect, and the man who remembers to send flowers at Valentine may be the man who feels he can use the flowers to make up for his inadequacies in other areas. I am categorically NOT saying that every man who brings flowers feels guilty for either spending too much time with his friends or not helping with the kids enough etc. This is far from the truth.

   The point I am trying to make here is that it is more important for a man to be attentive to his wife on the days in the year when he has no special reason to be.
   It is nice if he does do these things, but if he doesn’t, while supporting you every day of the year, give him a break. He’ll soon work out the romantic stuff by himself. Nagging him won’t bring him any closer to you. Maybe sending him flowers one year may embarrass him enough to bring him to his senses.
   

2. Listen to Him

   ‘Listening’ is such an overused cliché these days that it’s been forced out the other side of its true value.

   Women want a man who listens to her, but we never think that men want a woman who listens to him. If you were doing all of the listening, but he never sat down and paid attention to a word you said, how frustrated would this make you? Now turn that around and you’ll see how unhappy he must be because of your blasé attitude about his need to express himself.

   It takes a bit of wringing to squeeze information out of my husband about his work, colleagues, concerns, projects, etc.

   But once I’ve wrung it out of him, his testosterone- fuelled pride relaxes and he is able to talk and talk and talk… I listen. Just like it’s his job to be my listening junkie, it’s mine to make sure that when he thinks of a woman who listens to him, the face that shines brightly out of the crowd of women he talks to, is mine. When he needs to clear his head and really talk, he’ll come home, not go out to the pub with a “friend” because I’m the one who’s stolen his heart on this front.

3. Be Affectionate

   While many mistresses are known for their ability to be affectionate, men often complain about their wives starving them of affection. Somewhere between the two, there is a wide unfulfilled space. Women expect their husbands to give them an impromptu neck massage after they’ve come home from work and have taken off the monster heels, to kiss them as they part and when they see each other again. To spontaneously give them an affectionate hug as they stand doing the washing up by the sink etc.

   This feels good to a woman, it tells us that our husbands still find us attractive, even after the extra weight and the stretch marks

   Well, men need to be told this too. A man needs to know that the woman he married still finds him attractive regardless of the beer belly and the progressively stranger and more potent whiffs that unbeknownst to him, emit from his body. If you’ve never spontaneously hugged your husband and told him you loved him, do it now. As his wife, you should be the one showing him how sexy and desirable he is. Getting this kind of reassurance from you means that there is a very large possibility he won’t want to find out whether other women find him attractive or not. I am not advocating that men never stray if they’ve got wives who show them affection, because some probably still do.

   What I’m saying is that if a man’s wife does not create for him a drought of affection, getting it from random colleagues wouldn’t seem like a something new and different to him. (Regardless of what we would like to think, every day our husbands are touched by other women. Innocent touches mind you, as women often talk with their hands and generally playfully hit the men they’re around.)
   A person who eats steak regularly wouldn’t salivate when plate of half-cooked chops is held out in front of him.
   

4. Space the Nagging

   My husband is incapable of putting away his shoes. When we first married, I nagged and nagged to get him to do so. After a year or so, I realised 2 things. 1. He would never remember to put away his shoes on his own. 2. This was seriously getting on my nerves and making me very angry at the man I love.

   I then decided that I had two choices if I was going to keep the peace.

   On the wide scheme of things, stray shoes were not in the least important to the running of our home, or the state of our marriage, yet they could contribute to taking small bites out of our happiness. My first choice was to give up my anger at this and put the shoes away myself, or continue to nag him until one of us or both, fly into a rage of built up anger.

   I chose a fun third option, leave the stinking shoes where they were until he sees them or trips over them.

   Almost instantly, he tripped over them a few times and began to abuse them himself under his breath. He still leaves them around occasionally, but now when he puts them away, he does that because he wants to and because he knows that I don’t like them lying around.

   The simple decision of letting go has enabled me to see the shoes without seeing red. I even on rare occasions, put them away myself.

   The next thing I want to let go of is my angst about the papers he leaves around the house when he’s marking exams.

   Make a choice to let go of one thing. Decide upon the most unimportant thing in your marriage that you’ve taken up issue with and can’t let go. There is one thing that makes you nag at him even though you know it makes no difference to your lives or the well-being of those around you.

   The woman he married was fresh and easy-going, not the nag you turned out to be. Let your husband see you, his wife as the young woman he married, allow him to see glimpses of the carefree girl with whom he fell in love. When young, fresh colleagues at work carelessly laugh at his jokes, this action to him, is something he’s accustomed to. These laughing, easy-going women are not more attractive than the slightly wrinkled but young woman, responsible mother of his kids, who takes care of him, because she is just as carefree. Alas, you’ve stolen his heart again.

5. Take Care of How You Look

   Of course some of the other women your husband comes into contact with, are mothers and wives and have no more time to take care of themselves than you do. But they still make a special effort. Many times, the person who sees us at our worse is our husband. Why? We try our best for our friends and our colleagues, why not him?

It is difficult to find the time to always look our best. Of course as a working mother of 3 young kids, born 3 and a half years apart from each other, I know. But I try to make an effort for him as he does for me. If your husband stops washing himself, brushing his teeth or fixing his hair and walk around with his dressing gown all day long, would you still be attracted to him? You go out to work and the men you see there are always at their best.

Of course you never see their sloppy side, but they all have one. Years of being a slate wiped clean of any femininity or sexuality would erode some of the attraction a man feels for even the most beautiful of wives.
Let your husband choose you because even though you look after the kids and work, he can see that you try your best to look good. You may not always have the time to do it, but you make a good effort.

Keep stealing his heart so that there would be no place left in there for anyone else to.