Rambos Lilacs

July 10, 2013 by Geminieve  
Published in Beauty

Chances are its all me and my crazy twisted sense on reality. I never denied "crazy", I simply detest being scolded.

     I only first became frightened by the little tiny yaping dog beause ‘he’ so graciously exuded how difficult explaining a dog wound to my husband would be.  It was ironic, funny even, and it fit right into his scenario.  It wasn’t the dog barking or running up to me that sent me running, i was running inside way before.

    I wanted to see him.  I can’t figure it out as to why.  Here’s my dilemma…  I can not read him.  Almost like I’m trying to body scan him and can not.  I find his lack of gusto especially towards me quite alarming, even arousing and I feel like I’m trying with him too damn hard and it’s way too solo doing both psyicaly and mentally on my part. I do not handle ’mentally’ too well It would seem.

     It wasn’t that alone, no… There was more, there is always more.  It Most  likely accured when I stepped into his car that I questioned why I even left my house. I Should have stayed home.  ”If Woody would have gone straight to the police…”  Yeah yeah I know.  My little voice couldn’t speak when I needed her to but can never shut up when its beat for her.  Had I known a reprimand and a few opinions would be tossed at me, I probably wouldn’t have come.  But indeed I did open the door so to speak.  I was given quick play by play instructions on calling, texting, when to, how to and what to say instructions.   I was once again told I ’should’ give up my ‘Rambo’ way of approaching hobbies and in fact I reminded him  of the fictional character, Rambo.  I have no business owning or even shooting any sort of fire arm because I’m scared of a dog fast approaching me right after he mentioned it.  Plus of course I would have to pass a mental test and I would most likely fall short there.  My 40$ shorts weren’t spared either.  He joked about pizza and food and they reminded him of a tablecloth.  For a second time It is I approaching him just to see if there was any chemistry two sided.  It’s a struggle for me to feel rejected and I beleive it’s an excellent choice of words used here.  I was told by a dear friend once that “Nobody likes complicated.”  How true are these words?  I’d say extremely spot on.  Life in itself leaves me screaming inside and extra curriculum activities are supposed to be fun.  It certainly is me not you syndrome at its finest.   I’m one who needs the physical to calm down the mental over thinking creature staring into the water below.  I am who I am and I suppose I could change but most likely I won’t. No apologies.  Take me as I am or find another fun friend to pass the moments away with.  We both have our lives and I want to escape the restrictions and rules and instructions that go along with it.  Oh and yes,  I exhale too much as well.  His intentions well meant apparently.  Im too sensitive.  I’ve heard this too often.  it leaves me feeling intense on many levels.  I once again feeling a little less pretty, a lot less  sexy and a whole lot more mental and a need to sleep when it just won’t come.  I leave the conversation still wondering what the hell is going on?   I come home, house quiet, dark, a faint scent of an earlier lit candle, lilac.  There waits my beloved dog waiting patiently by the door.  I reach down, pet him, I love him.  What’s that?  I get a little closer… He looks at me and 

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