Miley’s Fetching New Whore Hair

Before I tackle the weighty subject of Miley Cyrus’s new do, let me first say that I love whores, and I don’t think that women who are whores deserve to be marginalized or shamed.  At the very least, if there were no whores, how would we pick out the nice girls to bring home to mom?  More to the point, how would those nice girls know how to behave in bed?  So my designation of Miley’s hair as whore hair is not an insult.

Also, let me first say that I do not know that much about Miley Cyrus.  I am a man in my late thirties with no children, and thus managed to avoid her for the most part on the radio and in films.  For the most part. I have, nevertheless, several times sung along to Party In The USA, and without a trace of shame.  I have a low voice but I had some vocal training when I was younger and I have made my nieces giggle when singing along to the “yay-ea-eyeayeay” section of the song in question in a pitch perfect falsetto.  it’s probably not that great a song, but it’s catchy, and really, what else matters, right? Plus it’s infintely less stultifying than, say, ”Baby” by Justin Bieber. 

But back to the point, which is Miley’s bold new haircut.  The burning question is, of course, whether or not it makes her look like a whore.  I’ve thought about this a lot.  I’m going to go with yes.  It’s well-known that all whores at one time or another have gone with a boyishly short haircut, usually as a professional challenge, testing whether they are alluring enough, without the benefit of a more traditionally coquettish do, to take in customers.  The true professionals, of course, still manage to pull it off, compensating with a shorter skirt, or a push-up bra, for instance.  After all, whoever said a whore needs to have long hair?  Where is that written? 

So good for you, Miley! Rock that short hair.  A girl needs a challenge now and then, right? Haters be damned.  You’ve always done the original thing, taken a chance, right?  (Well, okay, not really.  I mean, you were employed by Disney, and, actually Britney Spears already massacred her hair a few years ago-but Britney’s just a dumb hick.  You’re smart.  Your Daddy’s Billy Ray!)  So let it all hang out girl.  We’re with you!  We love you!  Party In the USA, baby!

English: Miley Cyrus at the premiere for Hannah Montana: The Movie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

English: Miley Cyrus at the premiere for Hannah Montana: The Movie. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)