Learning to Trust Again

May 14, 2014 by Kristian Peters  
Published in Dating

Learning to Trust Again.

Learning to Trust Again

Eleven o�clock on a weeknight I found myself phoning a man whom I�d recently met. We had been talking regularly and I just wanted to hear the sound of his voice.

No answer. After four rings his answering machine kicked in and I hung up. How strange. This man made a point of staying home during the week in order to get up at 5:00 a.m. for work. �Call me any time before midnight,� he had suggested. �I�m usually reading or listening to music.�

There could only be one explanation � another woman. I�d met him through a phone dating system. Obviously he had made a date with someone else and at this very moment could be in her arms. I stalked back and forth in my living room. Why had I expected him to be different? Just because he was punctual and said he �really really� liked me didn�t mean that I could trust him.

The next evening he called to say that he�d fallen asleep early. The phone had jarred him awake at eleven but there had been no message. He still sounded annoyed.

�Probably a wrong number,� I said quickly. Good thing he couldn�t see my face, because I could feel my cheeks flush.

That was when I realized that I had an issue with trust. Of course it takes time and experience to get to know someone � but I�d been quick to jump to conclusions. I took a long, hard look at my life. I claimed to have no luck meeting suitable men over the age of 40 and none of my relationships lasted more than a few months. Why? Looking back, I realized that I had chosen men who were unavailable � either physically (separated by distance) or emotionally.

Deep down I believed that men could NOT be trusted. Upon further reflection, I saw that my belief could be traced to feelings of betrayal in a long-ago relationship � the disillusion and let down I had experienced in so many ways by the man I�d married.

In the years following my divorce I had dated men with charm and charisma, who were also unreliable or unpredictable. I just wasn�t attracted to serious, responsible partners � they seemed boring by comparison. I poured my energy into my career and creative work and largely ignored my here-again, gone-again love life.

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